- Randie — The harrowing tale of a pitcher who loses control of his rage as age and injuries beset him. Batters — and John Travolta — run in terror.
- The Beckettcist — A troubled general manager in danger of losing his faith seeks to cast out the fastball-throwing demons from his ace in waiting.
- 28 Hatchet-Jobs Later — A bewildered third baseman walks the deserted streets of New York avoiding the bloodthirsty zombies out to attack him — and print his response in the tabloids.
- Team of the Living Dead — A fearful front office awaits the wrath of a hellish monster after an undead-like playoff performance.
- Manny-man – Say his name five times into a mirror and a monstrous ghoul will rip the heart out of your lineup, leaving little of value in return. "I’ll be glad to take him off your hands … Mwahahahahaha!"
Tuesday, October 31st, 2006
George Steinbrenner collapsed Sunday at a performace of the musical Cabaret at the University of North Carolina. His granddaughter was starring in the lead (Liza Minelli) role of Sally Bowles. He is, apparently, now back and resting comfortably in Tampa. Perhaps watching his precious kin strutt her stuff in the Kit Kit Club was even more troubling that losing 4 straight to the Tigers. Either way, felines don’t seem to be treating The Boss to kindly this month. We wish him a speedy recovery.
The Globe this morning, on the Sox picking up Wakefield’s extension:
He went 7-11 with a 4.63 ERA in 23 starts, his won-lost record mitigated only partially by the fact that the club scored just six runs while he was on the mound in his 11 defeats.
"Mitigated only partially"? In Wakefield’s 23 starts, he gave up more than four runs, earned or unearned, just five times. Two of those were in the first two starts after returning from the disabled list. He lasted fewer than six innings just seven times — three of which were immediately before his DL stint and two immediately after.
Wakefield was just as good this year as he was any other year (except maybe 1995, when he was unreal) until the stress fracture. He simply received no run support — losing four games in which he threw a quality start (those four wins would have exactly reversed his record) Stats are readily available to reporters like Gordon Edes. Maybe they should use them sometimes.
Monday, October 30th, 2006
We did it last year, and it’s time, once again, for the official YFSF Fantasy Camp Roundup. This year, the Red Sox invite a contingent of
suckers disposable-income-rich fans to fungo it up with the likes of Shag Crawford, Soup Campbell, and, if you can stand next to him for 5 seconds without wanting to sucker punch the guy (while simultaneously yelling "HOW’S THAT FOR A PALMBALL, YOU A**HOLE?!"), the one and only Bob Stanley. The best moment of the camp will most likely be the banquet on February 10th, when after enduring a 26-error three inning affair ended on a two-base gaffe by a squib off the bat of Johnny Pesky (right through the wickets of Mahty from Chicopee, anchored where he can do the least damage in left field), a very buzzed Steve Lyons gets up to make a toast, fumbles the Hagafen, and then drops his pants right up there on the dais, yelling "fire this, Fox, fire this!!!". At that point, we envision Lyons getting tossed out of the joint by the night’s special guest, former umpire Rich Garcia.
The Yankees, on the other hand, charge the higher price ($4995 vs. the Sox’ $3795) and won’t specify a single player who might attend. For the steeper cost you get a fashionable set of a "belt and socks" and the privilege of participating in a Kangaroo Court (really, what’s more fun than spending almost 5 large to be berated by a washed-up ex-backup catcher and then being made to pay $50 for the right to shovel a load of scrambled eggs and bacon onto Shane Rawley’s buffet plate the morning after taking a fungo hit by Lee Mazzilli off the cup?).
Once again, we’ll pass. Camp is for kids.
Sunday, October 29th, 2006
Bud Selig is entertaining the notion of altering the playoff format to reduce the “advantage” afforded to the Wild Card winner. It’s an idea that I think has no merit whatsoever.
Here are some other ideas that I’m throwing into the ring that I think would have a much more dramatic effect on the game. I haven’t done much thinking about them other than writing them down, and though I like these ideas, few, if any, are original. I don’t know if they are fair or well-reasoned, and most, if not all, of them are unlikely to happen. I’m just curious what all you bright minds out there might think about them.
Saturday, October 28th, 2006
I saw this at Baseball Musings and I channelled Mel Allen:
"Devon Young points out that the last six World Series champions came from each of the six divisions:
- NL West (D’backs)
- AL West (Angels)
- NL East (Marlins)
- AL East (Red Sox)
- AL Central (White Sox)
- NL Central (Cardinals)"
I miss the days of dynasties.
Joe Niekro passed away yesterday at the age of 61. The cause of death was a brain aneurism. He and his brother Phil were phenomenally successful as a brace of brother pitchers. Joe’s son, Lance, currently plays for the Houston Astros. Joe’s career in the Major-Leagues spanned 21 years and seven teams.
In this age of the seven-inning pitcher, remember that in 1982, Joe started 35 games and completed 16 with five shutouts. It was a different era, but it is remarkable.
That David Eckstein, he sure is detertty:
He’s the grittiest player I have ever seen,” says Everyone. “You think he’s too small, you think his arm is too weak, you think he is not that good at baseball, you think he is a small, small boy who is very small, you think he can’t hurt you. And you are right. But god damn, is that small boy gritty and determined.”
And that Derek Jeter, he sure is the 12th- or 13th-best hitter in the American League:
So there you have it, folks. Derek Jeter. Winner of the Hank Aaron Award for being the first-or-second-best-hitting SS in the AL, and probably like the third- or fourth-best hitter on his own team.
That’s what we give the award out for, correct?
Here we go:
mlbtraderumors.com links to a trade rumor involving the Red Sox and Mets. According to a Boston source, the Sox are interested in getting Aaron Heilman to fill the closer role next year. They are also still interested in Lastings Milledge. If the Mets are willing to take on Manny’s remaining salary, this could happen. Or so the rumor goes.
Would this be a good deal for the Sox? On the surface, they’re not getting equal value back. But what if they turn the money they’re no longer paying Manny into a front-line starter (Zito or Schmidt) and also make a run at a Carlos Lee? The point of the deal would be to provide Theo and Company flexibility to make a lot of other moves, while developing a stronger core for the future. Milledge’s stock might have fallen this past year, but he’s only a year removed from being a top 5 prospect in all of baseball. An Ellsbury-Pena-Milledge outfield beginning in 2008 might not be too shabby. And are you convinced that Heilman is a closer in the making? He was a brilliant set-up man in the 2nd half, so maybe he has the stuff to shut down people in the ninth.
Meanwhile, on the Yankees front: Sheffield is searching out George Steinbrenner presumably to convince him not to pick up Sheff’s option for next year unless the Yankees plan on keeping him on past next year and play him at DH and RF. If they meet, television crews should be there. My prediction will be that George will work his magic and convince Sheffield to accept a trade to the Astros for one year. The Yanks will get Brad Lidge in return. In 2008, Sheff will return to the Yanks as a locker room reporter (so long, Kim Jones) who will ask players very uncomfortable questions daily.
Sheffield: "Why are you like that?"
A-Rod: "Not sure what you mean, Gary."
Sheffield: "Don’t call me Gary. It’s Mr. Sheffield to you."
Sheffield: "Why do they call you the Big Unit?"
Big Unit: "Guess"
Sheffield: "I’ll beat the living sh*t out of you. Answer my question. Why are you called the Big Unit? It doesn’t make sense."
The St. Louis Cardinals are your World Series champions. There it is. No getting around it. The Tigers reverted to the form we all expected from them when the postseason began; the Cards, while no great shakes, managed to get past them in what will surely go down as one of the least compelling classics in history. It’s a shame, because this was an especially fun year for baseball, beginning with the World Baseball Classic, following on through Big Papi’s amazing mid-summer run of walk-offs, and the inspired play of a Yankee team beset by injury but carried by some new faces (Melky, Bobby), and of course the MVP-worthy performance of Derek Jeter. On a personal note, the overwhemingly positive reception of Spalding’s World Tour has been especially gratifying. (If you haven’t purchased your copy, I do humbly recommend it as the finest in offseason reading.)
The last game of the year is always a bit saddening, no matter the result. It will be another six months before we hear again that gentle-sweet sound of a ball slapping a glove, or the sharp crack of a bat lining one deep into the gap. In the meantime, though, we’ll be right here, commenting on all of the hot stove action. The season is over, but YFSF never sleeps.
Friday, October 27th, 2006
Man, it looks like the Tigers are trying to lose this thing. Verlander tosses an easy throw into left, giving up a lead earned after a drop on an easy fly by Chris Duncan. The Cards are now up 3-2. This is the worst postseason series I have ever witnessed, bar none. Did the Yankees actually drop 4 in a row to this bunch? Brings to mind the classic Dukakis-Bush presidential debate sketch on SNL, with Jon Lovitz, as Dukakis, looking aside to the camera: “I can’t believe I’m losing to this guy.” Yeah.
Newsday reports today that Don Mattingly, the very personification of Yankeedom, will replace Lee Mazzilli (who, let’s face it, was always a Met at heart) as bench coach and presumptive heir apparent to Joe Torre. Time to start reading your tea leaves. Where does this leave Joe Girardi, who watched Sweet Lou take the Cubs job and has already turned down the Washington post? Hmmm.
Thursday, October 26th, 2006
Just a day after our Peerless Hero declared all was quiet on the Yankee front, we learn that a storm is now at hand. (Peace for 24 hours—at least it’s better than Iraq). Yes, A-Rod may want to stay in the Apple, but Sheff wants O-U-T. The Yankees will apparently pick up his $13 million option for next year. But Sheff’s not anxious to play first base for a season, and he’s not happy to be dangled about as trade bait by the Bombers. “This will not work, this will not work at all,” says Sheff. He’d prefer free agency, and the abilty to sign with the highest bidder.
Walter and Donny George and Brian apparently have other ideas.
-Will the Yanks really pick up Sheff’s option?
-Will they deal him?
-If they get a nice return, will Alex stay?
-Where will the
Nihilists media go with this?
Okay. Gotta go fix the cable….
Wednesday, October 25th, 2006
I have an important message for you regarding Amendment Two. You see, there are these hucksters out there called ‘Scientists.’ If you haven’t known any of them, these are a bunch of shady fellows who want to make you think they are smarter and better than you by reading, studying, and then getting together to make up words and things you can’t find in the Bible.
Some of these ‘Scientists’ want you to believe that by researching something they call ‘stem cells’, they are going to find a cure for just about everything that ails you. Don’t be deceived. They think they can shoot invisible beams through your body and see a picture of your insides, but they can’t see the Truth. They say that with their electron microscopes they can see this so-called ‘DNA’ that proves we’re related to monkeys. Monkeys! They say there were dinosaurs, but no man ever saw one walking. They say they went to the moon, but no good person like you or me ever walked there with those so-called ‘astronauts.’ Don’t be deceived.
Take those ‘stem cells’ for example. Do you know where they get ‘stem cells’ from? They suck them right out of babies. That’s right, I said babies. To top it all off, these lying, hiding, thieving ‘scientists’ want you to put it in the Constitution that they can take your baby and copy it, just like running it through a Xerox, so they can make as many baby copies as they want to have to suck things out of. Here’s what to do with a Xerox machine: I sat on a Xerox once and sent a picture of my ass to the ACLU with a note that read, ‘Liberate This.’
So friends, I hope you will vote against Amendment Two. I’m Jeff Suppan. Join me, Carl Everett, L. Ron Hubbard, and the Forces of Truth in fighting anything we don’t understand or that (B/R)ush tells us to.