Bonds Indicted

Barry Bonds has been indicted by a federal grand jury on four counts of perjury and one count of obstruction of justice. You can read the indictment as a PDF. I did. The attorney underlines the good parts for you, sort of like the most boring dirty book you have ever read, with tawdry admissions such as, “Not that I know of,” “No,” “No, I wasn’t at all,” “Not at all,” another “No,” “No, no,” and “Right.” I did like the part where Barry Lamar Bonds says, “he rubbed some cream on my arm, like, some lotion-type stuff, and, like, gave me some flax seed oil, that’s what he called it, called it some flax seed oil, man. It’s like: ‘Whatever, dude’.”

According to Paul Elias in the AP article in the Chicago Tribune, President Bush “is very disappointed to hear this,” and acknowledges that “clearly this is a sad day for baseball.”

While a nation weeps, there was no comment from the CIC regarding the dark clouds looming on the baseball horizon in the form of instant replay, if Boras hosed ARod out of seven eleventy millions, or if The True Yankee Captain is a “True Floridian.”

2 comments… add one
  • never heard of the guy

    walein November 15, 2007, 7:51 pm
  • http://despair.com/possibilities.html
    Just saw that new Poster from Despair. Hilarious, and appropriate.

    Atheose November 18, 2007, 4:22 pm

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