Can’t Stanza: The Dice-K Tommy John Surgery Haiku Contest

Four and a half years ago YF (where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?) put up one of the great posts of all time here at YFSF, the original haiku contest to memorialize the imminent arrivals of Daisuke Matsuzaka and Kei Igawa. It has been requested, in the wake of the ignominious announcement that the Sox’ Japanese pitcher will have Tommy John surgery, that we have a similar literary competition. Seeing as how much fun that one was, we say why not. Put your haiku in the comments. Winner, to be determined by yours truly (who said the internet was a democracy?), gets a real, live gyroball.

We’ll start it out after the jump.

one hundred million
a ball rumored to cartwheel
the sound of a flush

41 comments… add one

  • We want Daisuke!
    Wait, I thought he was an ace
    Where’s the gyroball?

    Atheose - SF June 3, 2011, 6:57 am
  • Also, it’s fun looking bad at that old thread. My favorite (and probably the most accurate!) is from AndrewYF:
    Pitch on four day’s rest?
    Daisuke isn’t used to that.
    Say goodbye, right arm.

    Atheose - SF June 3, 2011, 7:00 am
  • Was that me? I forget if I had renamed myself AndrewYF by then. But if no other Andrew comes forward I’ll sure as hell take credit for it! Thanks Ath.
    Here’s my contribution:
    Oftentimes, with Dice
    You have to roll a hard six
    Got snake-eyes instead

    AndrewYF June 3, 2011, 7:17 am
  • wiggle shake wiggle
    pause step off wiggle again
    a throw comes at last

    SF June 3, 2011, 7:23 am
  • Watching Dice-K pitch
    was much like watching Warhol’s
    silent film “Empire”

    Nick-YF June 3, 2011, 7:23 am
  • SF, our haikus are variations on a theme.

    Nick-YF June 3, 2011, 7:24 am
  • You could finish Proust
    In the time between pitches
    Thank you, Daisuke

    Nick-YF June 3, 2011, 7:27 am
  • enigmatic, yes
    something lost in translation
    pynchon is jealous

    SF June 3, 2011, 7:33 am
  • ball one two three four
    dice k is on the mound again
    guess i’ll take a walk

    dc June 3, 2011, 8:57 am
  • arm and gyroball
    One has ligaments, one is
    merely a figment

    attackgerbil June 3, 2011, 9:17 am
  • like the noble koi
    swimming in the universe
    enjoy the sox loot

    krueg June 3, 2011, 10:48 am
  • it’s not real money
    or so sf tries to say
    it’s hocus pocus

    dc June 3, 2011, 10:53 am
  • spring green grass and cash
    Fenway Park now serves sushi
    ball thrown to backstop

    _elviiis_ June 3, 2011, 11:28 am
  • it’s not OUR money
    who knows where it all came from
    costlier dogs, beer

    SF June 3, 2011, 11:35 am
  • wiggle shake wiggle
    pause step off wiggle again
    a throw comes at last

    My wife giggles whenever Daisuke is pitching because she thinks his wiggle-butt-shake windup is adorable.

    Atheose - SF June 3, 2011, 11:38 am
  • Yes, he was a bust
    But one thing we’re grateful for:
    Mrs. Daisuke!

    Atheose - SF June 3, 2011, 11:44 am
  • Kei Igawa sighs.
    Trenton, close yet far from Bronx.
    Two and two, so sad.

    attackgerbil June 3, 2011, 12:14 pm
  • At least he doesn’t
    look like a bloated fat toad
    irabu was worse

    krueg June 3, 2011, 12:21 pm
  • Nomo, Irabu,
    Matsuzaka, Igawa
    Caveat emptor

    Paul SF June 3, 2011, 12:51 pm
  • Wow these are all good!

    SF June 3, 2011, 1:58 pm
  • Great expectations
    unrealized; less pitcher than
    human rain delay

    ponch - sf June 3, 2011, 2:09 pm
  • krueg June 3, 2011, 3:30 pm
  • You dishonor me
    How can you call me chubby
    I just take nibbles

    Karl Stier June 3, 2011, 4:18 pm
  • Wow. I think Karl’s wins the contest.

    Paul SF June 3, 2011, 5:41 pm
  • Games last forever
    Too many pitching changes
    $ayonara DiceK

    Kathy Cahill June 3, 2011, 6:43 pm
  • heidi watney wow
    where have you been all my life
    my wife would kill me

    krueg June 3, 2011, 9:33 pm
  • Reason #345 Why Nick Swisher Is a Great Ballplayer:
    We has two walks in two at-bats tonight. That’s twice as valuable as Carl Crawford. And he’s not done yet!

    James YF June 3, 2011, 11:23 pm
  • Oh shit a Haiku
    About a pitcher how true
    Dice-K oh suk yoo

    James YF June 3, 2011, 11:26 pm
  • Nova’s falling apart…AJ-style.
    YAY!!!! 2 WALKS!!! Whatever.

    krueg June 3, 2011, 11:36 pm
  • Bite your tongue, Sir.

    James YF June 4, 2011, 12:08 am
  • I just have to say this:
    What a dumb punk Papelbon is. He disgraces himself by blowing a FOUR RUN LEAD, and then tops that by arguing with the umpire and getting himself ejected.
    My least favorite player in baseball. I don’t even care about the uniform. And I trust that many Red Sox fans feel the same way.

    AndrewYF June 4, 2011, 4:12 pm
  • Well, Andrew, Papelbon is not exactly my favorite player either. But part of the disgrace of blowing the lead is on Pedroia who missed a double play which would have ended the game. And Papelbon has been royally squeezed this inning. The umpire is at least as much of an idiot.

    pale blue eyes June 4, 2011, 4:27 pm
  • tek shoulda bitch-slapped randazzo…deja vu style
    papelbon is a douchebag…an embarrassment for sf’s who like to think their entire team is above such douchebaggery

    dc June 4, 2011, 5:35 pm
  • wait, does that rbi count since jd drew got it?

    dc June 4, 2011, 6:28 pm
  • Thank God Papelbon had the good sense to get himself ejected. Had the decision been left to the manager the game would have been lost before he would have been replaced. You saw douchebag, I saw player-manager savant!

    SF June 4, 2011, 7:43 pm
  • using “papelbon”, “good sense”, and “savant” in the same, or almost the same, sentence is clearly in violation of this site’s TOS…can we get a ruling from the sitemasters please…

    dc June 5, 2011, 9:17 am
  • Go. Canucks. Go.

    krueg June 5, 2011, 11:37 am
  • Back to haiku, please.
    Batters confused, off balance, wondering
    Fans, managers wonder too
    This is the pitcher’s job

    Jack Cahill June 5, 2011, 7:03 pm
  • so overrated
    stay in the crease to stop pucks
    tim thomas huge fail

    krueg June 5, 2011, 11:43 pm
  • One hundred pitches
    Four and two thirds nibbling edges
    Who is warming up

    Brijcol June 6, 2011, 12:57 pm
  • gyroball next year
    at long last unleashed
    arigato, Tommy John

Leave a Comment

Next post:

Previous post: