What: New reality television show, working title: “The Flunky”
Where: All over the world. Visit the Dominican Republic, Ft. Lauderdale, the Bronx!
You: Egoless go-getter, willing to act as assistant to personal shopper for deep-pocketed scion of New York sports team.
Us: Storied organization looking to dig out from under biggest embarrassment in sports history.
Why: Because we need to spend money, and we need to spend it fast.
Show synopsis and possible plotlines:
Episode 1: “The Scout” – head to the Dominican, attempt to sign 13 year old whiz shortstop to 11 year service contract with parent club for under 75K. Failure results in elimination from show.
Episode 2: “The Prima Donna” – Engage overpaid superstar in negotiations to get him to waive no-trade clause, plying him with perks like free tix to hip club Marquee, or rent-free apartments near the WTC site for afternoon trysts. Failure results in elimination from show.
Episode 3: “The Megalomaniac” – Explain to the head of the company why waiver wire deal for lefty middle reliever failed. Inability to keep head of company from throwing cracker jack at you results in elimination.
Episode 4: “Armageddon” – Discard 324,000 “American League Champions” T-shirts after unexpected loss in playoffs, without Owner knowing of lost costs. Detection of disposal results in elimination from show.
Other episodes are yet to be determined.
Applicants should show up at 30 Rockefeller Plaza at 3pm on December 25th, queue up next to lifesize stuffed Grinch in Yankees hat.