Category: Humor

I contemplate the time and money and coordination that went into this example of what I can only imagine is money in a budget that must be spent. It’s like someone had a challenged nephew that needed a summer job.

“Where The Sidewalk Ends” by Shel Silverstein wasn’t satisfying in its conclusion? I wish this was a farce. But it is a really well constructed and labelled barricade to let you know that if you walk around this sign, you won’t be on the non-existent sidewalk, which happens to be closed. If it existed.

When I walked around this incredibly ridiculous barricade, I spent that one second in fear that I would be shot by a sniper for not obeying the sign, while hoping with some sort of strange longing that on the other side, looking rearward, it would say, “SIDEWALK OPEN”, but alas, it was not the case.

Must be something like what baseball teams feel at the trade deadline.

I had a good laugh, much-needed, when @SteveMartinToGo tweeted:

Sometimes it is correct to use only one semicolon: Hey buddy, your fly is open ;

— photo from SF, who says this is visible everywhere on the F train

So. There I was, at Macy’s — of course — when I saw the most GORGEOUS man walking by, and right then I wanted to have his babies.  His musk smelled like bergamot.  I would go bergamot-shaped for him.  Hand to God, yes I would.  He made me tremble at the knees.  TREMBLE, I tell you.  And ivy leaves and coriander, like pastrami sandwiches eaten on a blanket in the park.  There was blue sage, not that whorish purple mind you, but Hampton Blue.  And Orange flowers with geranium, because somehow he just knew I like geraniums best.  They don’t bother.  And I swore I smelled patchouli and sandalwood, mixed with suede!  It was just like when I surprised Charlotte in her dorm room at Vassar while she was knee-deep in “study” with her history professor who couldn’t wear out the corduroy elbows on his jacket for the suede.

Will I ever see that man again? Here, sweetheart, put this on.

I'm not staying up for this one as as I'm 6 hours ahead, but I leave you with this photo from my walk over the weekend through Tahrir Square in Cairo, where protests are picking up again over who is and isn't allowed to run for President. I look forward to checking the gamer tomorrow for a profanity-laced string of comments from krueg. Go Yanks & good night.

America’s great national wait is over. Peyton Manning’s handlers announced in the middle of negotiations with Denver that they have been instructed to talk with the New York Yankees. Manning becomes the number one starter on a pitching staff already bolstered by the potential return of Andy Pettitte, assuming that Pettitte doesn’t totally suck out in the minors. Freddy Garcia responded to the news of this latest addition to the burgeoning rotation: “I’m fucking pissed.”

The relief of a nation was best expressed by Mitt Romney, who was reached for comment in his Maybach in transit between his country club and his metropolitan athletic club: “Thank God. My campaign coordinator was certain Mr. Manning was going to declare himself the Republican nominee for President. I feel like I just passed a cue ball.”

Perhaps no one felt relief more than Denver quarterback Tim Tebow. “I guess, first and foremost, I’d like to thank my..” Tebow was interrupted by a profanity-laden tirade from John Elway, who threw a chair through a window before storming out of the room.

“I don’t want to waste valuable time talking about the Yankees.” Bobby V then went on a bit longer not talking about them by saying how he talked to Joe Girardi and used to love the Yankees before discovering his hatred for them, then moved onto other topics not Yankee-related.

This is gonna be fun.

Also, Ortiz accepted arbitration.