Conspiracy Theory

It could be the durian that's making me drunk. That and the bintang, but it just dawned on me this hot tropical night: There's a pattern in the chaos.

Brian Cashman is tired of being the Yankees general manager. He realizes this is a thankless job. He constructs a likeable world series winner in 2009 and people say, "Well, that's what you get when you spend $200 billion. Duh." So, Cashman decides that he's had enough. He's going to leave the franchise in disarray. It's time to sabotage the team.

He brings in:

Javy Vazquez.

The statheads think it's a clever move. But Cashman knows better. Vazquez will wilt in the New York City spotlight.

He brings in Curtis Granderson.

Again, the Fangraphians love it. But Cashman knows about declines and he knows the first thing to go is the groin.

Cashman brings in Nick Johnson.

For some reason people like this as well. Cashman is like, "really? ok…" Nick Johnson is Nick Johnson. He hurts himself swinging a bat.

Clearly Cashman wants a new challenge. But what if the Yanks overcome the obstacles he's placed before them? Can they possibly? His Brewster Millions plan could all go to junk, and then he'll be stuck. Will he stay or will he go?

3 comments… add one

  • We fucking suck right now. Injuries or not, the big guns are not doing a thing. ARod, Tex, Cano, Jeter, CC and AJ need to get there shit together and quick.
    Granted it’s early, but these last two weeks have been unwatchable.
    Give up and early lead, continue to bleed runs, get about 10 guys on base a game and then strand them, bullpen comes in and gets tagged for a few more runs…that’s us at this point. I’m about over it. If we don’t sweep the sorry-ass Indians…I may lose it.

    krueg May 28, 2010, 10:24 am
  • Nick you should probably lay off the durian + alcohol combination because it is making you say some crazy things.

    doug YF May 29, 2010, 12:29 am
  • Joe Girardi’s hair reminds me of durian.

    attackgerbil May 29, 2010, 10:13 am

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