J.D. Drew has an interesting approach to maintaining his health, according to a fascinating article on The Eagle Tribune. Next time you see him land one in the seats at Fenway, remember he’s probably wearing his BIOlife energy-support pendant under his shirt. Folks, would you believe it if I told you it increases your energy by 100%? If you called me a liar, you’d be right, because it goes way past 100%. If I said 200%, you’d say, "gerbil, that’s crazy talk," but you would still be wrong. No siree, it offers a full 500% increase in "energy production." Step right up and try yours today. Major League Baseball has no policy on or test for performance-enhancing pendants, or PEPs, as they are known in the trade. On the Yankees, they do have the rule you can’t wear them outside your jersey.
Hats off to Andrews AND Triskaidekaphobia for the tip. More health tips in the extended.
Here are a few other components of Drew’s biochemist/certified clinical nutritionist’s recommended regimen for the Sox slugger:
QRS: Daily, 24 minutes on a relaxed session before bed; Apply to needed area (shoulder, knee) after workout. You see, a Quantron (??) Resonance System works by, umm, resonating your quantrons (???) I suppose and neutralizes the negative effects of a variety of nasties on the cellular level. I found one on sale in the UK for 1,500 pounds. It looks like a yoga mat with a speak-and-spell attached. There’s a handy but highly technical word document that explains in great detail how this machine works, including a diagram of the "Patented eloctromagnetic saw tooth wave."
Lubriflex: Supplement to enhance joint cartilage and preserve joints. I can only imagine what a hit this would have been with my Trailblazers a few years ago.
Vitatonic: Replenishes valuable nutrients. May restore hair growth when used as a topical, or not.
P2R (Prepare 2 Repair): Helps mitigate shock protein response created cellularly from exercise trauma; helps cells hydrate and recover faster. May be used with Lister’s Carbolic Unguent, a Balsam Specific, a Curative Galvanic Belt and Smeckler’s Powder etc., for heightened effect.
Cell phone/computer strategy: Use of BIOpro chip and BIOpro pendant to limit radiation-induced damage to body’s cells. If one is that concerned, maybe one shouldn’t own a cell phone or a computer. Then again, imagine the damage done by second-hand cellular and computer cooties. The lawyers will have a field day with this one.
Hyperbaric chamber: Device to remove toxins from the body. I actually want to try this one. Be like Mike.