Early Projections, Redux

  • The Red Sox and Yankees will both finish the season 81-81
  • A-Rod will hit copious amounts of mid-inning, pile-on grand slams when nothing is on the line, but continue to fail in the clutch
  • Scott Proctor will lose Joe Torre’s trust
  • Manny Ramirez will hit .125 with 324 whiffs
  • Willy Mo Pena will finish the year with a 2.000 slugging percentage
  • Josh Bard will set a new record with 93 passed balls
  • Josh Bard will be replaced by Jason Varitek long before he’s able to set the aforementioned record
16 comments… add one
  • Unwilling to continue chewing gum instead of chaw, but unable to chew tobaccy, Terry Francona will take to stuffing his mouth with cigarettes during games.
    Yankees fans will get upset at the “unwarrented attack on A-Rod” above, and ignore (or completely miss) the inherant humor of the post.
    Joe Torre will eventually learn how to use a bullpen… (Mattymatty: swiping at the Yankees since 1834)

    mattymatty April 5, 2006, 10:25 am
  • Schilling’s ankle problems will come back. Beckett will have chronic Blisteritis. Boomer will self-destruct, and Clement, well, no one will know what happened to Clement. Under the pressure, the rookies will fail one by one. Wake will step up and go 42 and 42, and once again, as in 2005, be the winningest pitcher on the Sox.
    In the NL, Arroyo will win the Cy Young and the WEII phone system will melt.

    john April 5, 2006, 11:17 am
  • Wake will step up and go 42 and 42
    Tek will quit baseball.
    WEEI stock will hit 1,000.

    john April 5, 2006, 11:22 am
  • Something bad will happen to each of the yankees. Ha ha!
    Also, john will continue his world-record string of consecutive unfunny posts. I predict another one directly following this one.

    mattymatty April 5, 2006, 12:10 pm
  • Why does Scott Proctor even HAVE Torre’s trust?!

    tom yf April 5, 2006, 1:10 pm
  • Two questions:
    1. Why send Coco on the first pitch to Ortiz? Any pitcher with a grain of intelligence would proceed in this fashion- ball, ball, ball, ball. No need to take the bat out of Papi’s hands.
    2. In a 3-3 game in the 9th, why wasn’t fruitbat pitching last night? It’s not like he got used in Monday’s blowout.

    NV in SD April 5, 2006, 1:43 pm
  • Maybe it’ll be Bronson Arroyo with the 2.000 SLG, SF. Could it be that Cincy traded power for even more power? Did Francona ever even once think of DHing Arroyo?

    Spidey April 5, 2006, 1:45 pm
  • 1) Mattymatty will epitomize the Sox Fan, I mean sox fan, who thinks any Yankee slur is funny, and that any Yankee fan comment about a Sox player can not possibly be funny.
    2) Mattymatty will continue to make prognostications which are self-evidently not true (“I predict another one directly following this one.”)
    3) Found this comment on Sox fan humor on Soxhaholix (one of my favorite blogs):

    Guess you can apply A-Rod as a punchline to any joke and get a big laugh out of Red Sox fans.
    Knock, knock? Who’s there? A-Rod sucks. (see how you laughed there?)
    Why’d the chicken cross the road? A-Rod sucks. (still laughing, right?)
    Priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, bartender says, “A-Rod sucks.” (hilarious, right? it’s that easy)

    Vinny from Queens April 5, 2006, 2:42 pm
  • I am a Sox fan and those jokes aren’t funny at all. Try this one on:
    “Who played third base for the only team to lose a playoff series when they were ahead 3-0?”
    Now THAT makes me smile.

    SF April 5, 2006, 2:44 pm
  • SF –
    You sound like a Yankee fan.

    Vinny from Queens April 5, 2006, 2:49 pm
  • I authored a joke about the Red Sox a few years back that I felt was perfect for them, PRIOR to 2004.
    Q: How are the Red Sox like a woman giving a blow job?
    A: When they first start out, they’ll get in a few good licks, but in the end, they’ll always start to suck.
    Now, I have to admit, after 2004 I can’t break this one out anymore.
    Perhaps if the Sox come up short a few more years I’ll resurrect it and change the always start to suck to usually start to suck.

    whatever April 5, 2006, 5:16 pm
  • Vinny,
    I like your style. You should come around here more often.

    whatever April 5, 2006, 5:35 pm
  • Vinny, All in the spirit of fun, my friend. And you should know that a while back one of my posts was quoted directly on the Soxaholic. (That fact will be engraved on my tombstone.)
    The comment I made above was generated through a thousand other comments on other threads which, if you are new around here, you haven’t likely read. In any case, it has been argued here by SF that many yankees fans have little-to-no sense of humor about their teams. It is this to which I was referring above.
    Hey, did you guys hear: the season started! Its pretty exciting. I hear we (Boston) got Josh Beckett AND he’s pitching for us (Boston) tonight. I think I’ll likely watch that. Should be a gooder.

    mattymatty April 5, 2006, 7:00 pm
  • And who told you you were quoted on Soxaholix? How quickly they turn (sox fans that is).

    john April 5, 2006, 7:34 pm
  • Matty, I will also be watching Beckett’s Sox debut this evening, with great interest I might add.
    According to reports, Beckett and Curt Schilling have been hanging out together a lot, with Big Schill doing most of the talking.
    You better hope ol’ Curt isn’t messing up his mind.
    Worst case scenario: Beckett suddenly makes a big contribution to the Republican National Commitee.

    whatever April 5, 2006, 7:59 pm
  • I believe it was you, sir. I thanked you for it at the time, and I will thank you again: Thank you.
    SF: how ’bout a Beckett post (I bet yr already working on it)?

    mattymatty April 5, 2006, 7:59 pm

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