ESPU

It’s one thing to make pre-season predictions, as we know they are fun, semi-scientific, antagonistic, basically entertainment.  They are there for "I told you so"’s if they come true, or to be ignored at a later date when the prognostications crash and burn (as they typically do).  But It’s entirely another thing to devote a valuable column in the New York Times projecting an opening day victory into a World Series appearance.  Which is what the New York Times’ resident curmudgeon Murray Chass does for the Mets today, in embarrassing fashion.  Nick’s post below, in which he projects the Yankees performance out for the next several months based on last night’s blowout gets it appropriately tongue-in-cheeky.   But Murray isn’t in touch with his comic side, and that’s evident as he makes a futile attempt to disclaim his column in the very last line of the piece.  By then it’s clear that Chass is finished, like a horny teenager in a makeout session, his goose cooked right at the moment he’s about to stretch a triple into an inside-the-parker.

7 comments… add one
  • Interesting analogy there at the end SF.
    Say, was that one born out of a personal experience?

    whatever April 4, 2006, 5:49 pm
  • No, but I had a friend who had that experience.

    SF April 4, 2006, 5:55 pm
  • Just get her drunk and the 3rd base coach waves you in every time. Um, not that I know anything about that.

    Nate April 4, 2006, 6:24 pm
  • Take the first two letters of Chass’s name and you get a fair description of his value as a columnist.
    I read the Times every day, and usually check Chass out just to see if he’s stooped to a new low.

    Hudson April 4, 2006, 6:42 pm
  • 1) See you at the Subway Series, SF.
    2) I. Paradise
    Boy:
    I remember every little thing
    As if it happened only yesterday
    Parking by the lake
    And there was not another car in sight
    And I never had a girl
    Looking any better than you did
    And all the kids at school
    They were wishing they were me that night
    And now our bodies are oh so close and tight
    It never felt so good, it never felt so right
    And we’re glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife
    C’mon! Hold on tight!
    C’mon! Hold on tight!
    Though it’s cold and lonely in the deep dark night
    I can see paradise by the dashboard light
    Girl:
    Ain’t no doubt about it
    We were doubly blessed
    Cause we were barely seventeen
    And we were barely dressed
    Ain’t no doubt about it
    Baby got to go and shout it
    Ain’t no doubt about it
    We were doubly blessed
    Boy:
    Cause we were barely seventeen
    And we were barely dressed
    Baby doncha hear my heart
    You got it drowning out the radio
    I’ve been waiting so long
    For you to come along and have some fun
    And I gotta let ya know
    No you’re never gonna regret it
    So open up your eyes I got a big surprise
    It’ll feel all right
    Well I wanna make your motor run
    And now our bodies are oh so close and tight
    It never felt so good, it never felt so right
    And we’re glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife
    C’mon! Hold on tight!
    C’mon! Hold on tight!
    Though it’s cold and lonley in the deep dark night
    I can see paradise by the dashboard light
    Paradise by the dashboard light
    You got to do what you can
    And let Mother Nature do the rest
    Ain’t no doubt about it
    We were doubly blessed
    Cause we were barely seventeen
    And we were barely–
    We’re gonna go all the way tonight
    We’re gonna go allt he way
    An tonight’s the night…
    Radio Broadcast: (READ BY THE SCOOTER)
    Ok, here we go, we got a real pressure cooker
    going here, two down, nobody on, no score,
    bottom of the ninth, there’s the wind-up and
    there it is, a line shot up the middle, look
    at him go. This boy can really fly!
    He’s rounding first and really turning it on
    now, he’s not letting up at all, he’s gonna
    try for second; the ball is bobbled out in center,
    and here comes the throw, and what a throw!
    He’s gonna slide in head first, here he comes, he’s out!
    No, wait, safe–safe at second base, this kid really
    makes things happen out there.
    Batter steps up to the plate, here’s the pitch–
    he’s going, and what a jump he’s got, he’s trying
    for third, here’s the throw, it’s in the dirt–
    safe at third! Holy cow, stolen base!
    He’s taking a pretty big lead out there, almost
    daring him to try and pick him off. The pitcher
    glance over, winds up, and it’s bunted, bunted
    down the third base line, the suicide squeeze in on!
    Here he comes, squeeze play, it’s gonna be close,
    here’s the throw, there’s the play at the plate,
    holy cow, I think he’s gonna make it!
    II. Let Me Sleep On It
    Girl:
    Stop right there!
    I gotta know right now!
    Before we go any further–!
    Do you love me?
    Will you love me forever?
    Do you need me?
    Will you never leave me?
    Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
    Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?
    Do you love me!?
    Will you love me forever!?
    Do you need me!?
    Will you never leave me!?
    Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life!?
    Will you take me away and will you make me your wife!?
    I gotta know right now
    Before we go any further
    Do you love me!!!?
    Will you love me forever!!!?
    Boy:
    Let me sleep on it
    Baby, baby let me sleep on it
    Let me sleep on it
    And I’ll give you my answer in the morning
    Let me sleep on it
    Baby, baby let me sleep on it
    Let me sleep on it
    And I’ll give you my answer in the morning
    Let me sleep on it
    Baby, baby let me sleep on it
    Let me sleep on it
    And I’ll give you my answer in the morning
    Girl:
    I gotta know right now!
    Do you love me?
    Will you love me forever?
    Do you need me?
    Will you never leave me?
    Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
    Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?
    I gotta know right now!
    Before we go any further
    Do you love me?
    And will you love me forever?
    Boy:
    Let me sleep on it
    Baby, baby let me sleep on it
    Let me sleep on it
    And I’ll give you my answer in the morning
    Let me sleep on it!!!
    Girl:
    Will you love me forever?
    Boy:
    Let me sleep on it!!!
    Girl:
    Will you love me forever!!!
    III. Praying for the End of Time
    Boy:
    I couldn’t take it any longer
    Lord I was crazed
    And when the feeling came upon me
    Like a tidal wave
    I started swearing to my god and on my mother’s grave
    That I would love you to the end of time
    I swore that I would love you to the end of time!
    So now I’m praying for the end of time
    To hurry up and arrive
    Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
    I don’t think that I can really survive
    I’ll never break my promise or forget my vow
    But God only knows what I can do right now
    I’m praying for the end of time
    It’s all that I can do
    Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you!!!
    Boy:
    It was long ago and it was far away
    and it was so much better than it is today
    Girl:
    It never felt so good
    It never felt so right
    And we were glowing like
    A metal on the edge of a knife

    john April 4, 2006, 7:05 pm
  • OK, John ‘s lost it.

    mattymatty April 4, 2006, 7:54 pm
  • oh c’mon, they’re classic lyrics, they relate to what SF said, and the recording has the Scooter (Ted Williams – “If we’d had Rizzuto, we would have won all those pennants”)
    when you get to be an old married guy like SF you’ll understand the beauty of

    Ain’t no doubt about it
    We were doubly blessed
    Cause we were barely seventeen
    And we were barely dressed

    john April 5, 2006, 12:22 am

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