Get Away From My Locker II: The 2nd Annual YF-SF Preseason Quiz

Spring training is finally upon us. We couldn’t be happier. But it was a busy off-season. Were you paying attention? Test your knowledge of baseball’s hot-stove action with this little quiz:

1. While other players were asleep, A-Rod was:
A: Counting his money
B: Gazing longingly into his mirror
C: Thinking about Derek
D: On his stairmaster

2. This winter’s most creative resume was authored by:
A: Monster.com
B: Bernard Kerik
C: Wally Backman

3. Last November, the one place you didn’t want to be was:
A: Jalalabad
B: The Sunni Triangle
C: Darfur
D: A Pistons Game
E: Outside the Cask & Flagon

4. Jason Giambi is really sorry he:
A: Hit .208 last year
B: Made those Arm & Hammer deodorant ads
C: Ate that sushi on the Japan trip
D: Um, er, nevermind

5. If Kris Benson cheats on his wife Anna, she will:
A: Cry
B: Call her lawyer
C: Shtup the entire Mets organization
D: B then C.

6. Sammy Sosa’s favorite thing about Baltimore is:
A: Hitting the aquarium at the Inner Harbor
B: Crabs at Obrycki’s
C: John Waters films at the Senator
D: No Dusty Baker

7. Omar Minaya was rejected by:
A: A Fifth Avenue co-op Board
B: A Bouncer at Bungalow 8
C: Carlos Delgado

8. Nelson de la Rosa is currently:
A: Heightening
B: Auditioning for the "Surreal Life"
C: Badmouthing Pedro Martinez
D: Phoning Randy Johnson

9. Gary Sheffield is angry at:
A: Nobody
B: Everybody

10. Barry Bonds spent the off-season:
A: In preparation for his Grand Jury testimony
B: In preparation for a home run record chase
C: In the Clear

11. The Nationals new owners are:
A: The good people of Washington
B: Marion Barry
C. Swift Boat Veterans for Truth
D. Non-existant

Essay: Compare and contrast modes of narrative structure in My Prison
Without Bars
and Juiced.

TGIF Bonus Question:

Kevin Millar has agreed to star in an episode of:
A: Pimp My Ride
B: Monster Garage
C. Fat Actress
D. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

7 comments… add one
  • Essay (Fragment)
    It is said the first post-modernist was born when a modernist said “modernity is not dead.” Thus, Jose Canseco’s Juiced: a groundbreaking work in the sports jerymiad genre. Pete Rose’s My Prison without Bars rebelled against a narrative tradition. Nonetheless, Rose was unable to eschew entirely the framework of that tradition. For instance, as much as he tried, Rose’s text still maintained a narrative structure. One reads it and can make sense. Canseco explodes the tradition. Every sentence is a new (non?) thought. He treasures the play of signifiers. Witness this sentence fragment on page 234, “I injected…butt..Giambi…The Chemist!” The text is filled with acrostics, with word puzzles, and a rich sensuality of language. Susan Sontag dreamt of literature that divined the erotic in words (and better yet, word combinations): Page 17: “I was Five feet tall, my back hunched, a condition of my scoliosis, I knew I would end up the greatest baseball player in the world. My mother told me I should. It was obvious to all that Ivan Rodriguez needed the Chemist’s touch. This was the ineluctable modality of the visible I thought, and I thought about McGwire and the muscles’ meaning.”

    Quiz Answerer March 1, 2005, 6:13 pm
  • Check plus plus!
    Keep posting, QA, we like your style.

    SF March 1, 2005, 8:36 pm
  • You made an error, number 1 is missing letter E, all of the above. XD

    JCacho March 1, 2005, 11:07 pm
  • Alex Rodriguez’s decision to endorse the Red Sox’ castigation of his character this week had the desired effect of quieting a Boston team that apparently thought the Yankee third basemen was susceptible to high school baiting tactics. Baseball, for now, appears to be the focus in the New York and Boston camps. The important business of spring training is proceeding, as both teams try to turn question marks into exclamation points before the season opener.
    Quiet time never lasts, though, when Curt Schilling is around. Like a gnat to a porch light on a humid summer night, the Red Sox pitcher and self-appointed spokesperson for, well, most everything, has moved center stage with his award-winning theatrics. Grab some popcorn and pull up a chair, folks. It’s time for The Ego and The Ankle, Part II.
    If you hadn’t heard that Schilling donated the bloody sock from last year’s World Series to the Hall of Fame, yesterday’s bullpen session was further reminder that Superman has a bad wheel. Grimacing and frowning, changing baseball cleats, acting grumpy toward the press, Schilling was in his element. With an opening day showdown with Randy Johnson hanging in the balance, he would not commit to making the start. Boston is left to worry, pray, and take online polls. It creates a wonderful win-win-win situation for Schilling: 1) He’s the center of attention for the next three weeks; 2)he can take the mound and beat Johnson, and Boston will overnight his nomination for sainthood to the Vatican 3) Lose? Run his hands through his hair, shrug at God, and limp gingerly from the field to a tearful standing ovation.
    Pitch? You bet he will.
    It’s all carefully calculated by a man who understands his consumers with razor-like focus. He sells a brand image of dogged perseverence that they champion, that they desperately want to see in themselves. And, to carry the metaphor, they are clearly willing to pay a premium.
    After 9/11, Curt Schilling took out an ad in major newspapers to support the firemen who had died and the troops who were about to go into harm’s way. At best, a curious but endearing move; at worst, an opportunistic attempt to align himself with everyday heroes, the folks who risk their lives for the rest of us. Which begs this question: if heroism is about risk-taking, why does Curt Schilling’s brand of heroism come without risk?

    Potfry March 2, 2005, 10:51 am
  • Check minus. Both YF and I like the prose stylings, but this clearly doesn’t address the topic at hand, and actually fails to answer a single quiz question.
    It sounds like someone doesn’t appreciate Curt’s postseason heroics from last year, despite their undeniable fantasticness, but next time don’t let that defocus you from the assignment given. We will give you a re-test, though, in lieu of detention.

    SF March 2, 2005, 11:06 am
  • Don’t beg. It’s pathetic. And especially don’t beg questions. You’ll make people think that you can’t ask any for yourself.
    I mean, unless you’re TRYING to inspire pity. In that case, be my guest …

    Sam March 2, 2005, 12:31 pm
  • Fragment from the 17th page of my essay
    “…If you were to measure actual fat content, you’d find .01%. This was the height of my success and Ozzie knew our tie was severed. One should speculate when one sees things to speculate about: Bond’ broad shoulders. Yeah but that’s not the whole story. What of media members and the way they kowtow to Caucasian players? Nah. It goes further. The heart of the matter is that this is a human story.” Canseco’s linguistic gifts are such that one feels placed on a metaphoric playing field. If this book is indeed epoch-making, it is because it drives home again and again this central metaphor. Rose’s hackneyed metaphor of the prison ironically imprisons himself within the history of other people’s words or as Canseco would be sure to describe : other people’s games. What is special about this text is its critique of truth. What is the definitive truth of Canseco’s story. Ah, that is the question! To play is the answer.
    On page 33: “The dumbells fell to the ground. This was going to get real good…”

    Quiz Answerer March 2, 2005, 12:48 pm

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