How I Spent My All-Star Break, Pt II

SF’s post motivated me to get the SMSes cranked out to the iPhones and Crackberries of the Yanks roster.  It took the guys a little while to get back to me, but now that everyone has checked in, here’s what the New York Yankee batters and pitchers did with their break:

"Got out of bed at 11.  Drank some tea.  Took a nap.  Talked with Frank.  Took a nap.  Gave Robi some homework.  Took a nap.  Ate dinner.  Went to bed." – Joe

"Coach gave me this book called The Seven Habits of Highly Eff oh screw it.  Too long.  I ain’t reading that..goin’ to Six Flags with Melk." – Robi

More guys are after the jump.

"Cynthia and I worked on our new clothing line. Not sure what to call it.  FCUK is taken, so we’re thinking CFKU, CFUK, CKFU, CKUF, CUFK, CUKF, FCKU, FKUC, FKCU, FUKC, UCFK, UCKF, UKCF, UKFC, UFCK, UFKC, KCFU, KCUF, KFCU, KFUC, KUFC, or KUCF." – Alex

"Hung out with Matthew McConaughey.  Two words: Summer School.  You know what I’m talking about." – Derek

"Hung out with Edward James Olmos and Tommy Lee Jones.  They make me look pretty." – Hideki

"Went to Six Flags to hang with Robi; took forever.  He tried to tell me about a detour around the bad traffic but I missed the cutoff, man." – Melky

"Cleaned out the garage, but still can’t find my glove or bat since putting them away last fall." – Bobby

"Called every player in Major League Baseball to apologize for apologizing for doing that stuff." – Jason

"Worked on my sexy, which at my age involves these little blue pills." – Johnny

"Sent gift basket to Joe for having played me so often over Andy, which I can not believe." – Miguel

"Sent gift basket to Joe for having played me so often over Andy, which I can not believe." – Josh

"Sent gift basket to Joe to make up for whatever I did that makes him never play me." – Andy (not the pitcher)

"Hung out at Manhattan Mall and tried to convince people I really do play for the Yankees.  I offered to pay people $20 to let me sign something for them.  I’m only out forty bucks." – Wil

"Thought about unpacking, then thought better." – Kevin

"Hung out with Rog.  Told him I’m sorry I talked him into coming to NY instead of Boston, but reminded him at least he’s not playing for the Astros.  Asked him if he remembered that last year on July 9th, Houston was 43-46." – Andy

"Punched Andy in the nose." – Roger

"BBQ, of course." – Scott

"Went to a SABR meeting and just sat there, silently, watching all the stat guys turn bright crimson and spitting angry." – Chien-Ming

"Asked Hideki for tips on how he maintains his fabulous complexion." – Tyler

"Worked on a three-tiered 20-year plan for South American debt restructuring for the World Bank, successfully defended my astrophysics thesis, finished Haydn’s Unfinished Symphony, and pleaded with Michael Kay to stop calling my fastball my offspeed pitch." – Mike the starter

"Sat around hoping nobody notices that lefties are hitting .327/.410/.462 against me." – Mike the loogy

"Tried to unjinx myself by burning my gear the way Scott did.  He told me next time, it will work better if I take it off first." – Luis

"Stormed the Rookery room with Curt38 and Leeroy Jenkins" – Kei

"Same thing as every other day: didn’t pitch." – Mo

"Entered Pete Abraham lookalike contest." – Brian

"Attended anger management class.  STUPID anger managment class.  I HATE it SO MUCH*." – Kyle

"Walked around wondering why no one is talking to me, and why they never call for me in the pen.  Sure I was rough in spots earlier but has anyone noticed that I’ve only given up one walk and one hit in my last nine innings?  I think I am a figment of my own imagination.  Netflixed Sixth Sense.  Got creeped out." – Ron

"Got all soaked when I fell in between the slats of a sewer grate." – Edwar

* – apologies to Lugash

16 comments… add one
  • Cleaned out the garage, but still can’t find my glove or bat since putting them away last fall.” – Bobby
    ROTFLMMFAO

    TJ July 9, 2007, 5:21 pm
  • “Worked on a three-tiered 20-year plan for South American debt restructuring for the World Bank, successfully defended my astrophysics thesis, finished Haydn’s Unfinished Symphony, and pleaded with Michael Kay to stop calling my fastball my offspeed pitch.” – Mike the starter
    Now, see, I would have expected Mike the starter to have spent his time figuring out who was to blame for the South American Debt, who was to blame for Haydn’s passing away, and who was to blame for Michael Kay having a job in the first place…

    SF July 9, 2007, 5:24 pm
  • SF, I often wonder about your last point as well.
    Awesome.

    yankeemonkey July 9, 2007, 5:26 pm
  • “Got out of bed at 11. Drank some tea. Took a nap. Talked with Frank. Took a nap. Gave Robi some homework. Took a nap. Ate dinner. Went to bed.” – Joe
    Ahhh you really nailed “Sleepy” AG, great job!

    John - YF (Trisk) July 9, 2007, 5:40 pm
  • “Worked with Wil in the batting cages, hoping to improve his swing and perhaps get another day off before late August. Designed basement swimming chamber to hold all the money the team will have to throw at me to keep me in the Bronx next season.” – Jorge

    Emma July 9, 2007, 7:06 pm
  • > swimming chamber to hold all the money the team will have to throw at me
    How did I forget Jorge? Nice save.

    attackgerbil July 9, 2007, 7:12 pm
  • Hilarious, AG. Laughed out loud several times.

    Paul SF July 9, 2007, 7:18 pm
  • Everyone forgets Jorge! Nevertheless, great post.

    Emma July 9, 2007, 7:20 pm
  • AG: that was nails! Brilliant!

    nettles-yf July 9, 2007, 7:40 pm
  • hilarious posts from AG and SF. Great stuff!

    Nick-YF July 9, 2007, 9:01 pm
  • KUFC has me thinking about a whole line of Kentucky Ultimate Fighting Chicken clothing. Gotta start drawing.

    attackgerbil July 9, 2007, 9:45 pm
  • emirelated note on the Phillips-Cairo situation: Joe Girardi was going on and on on FOX this Saturday about how great a 1B and hitter Miguel Cairo was… Have fun with that next year, guys!

    Paul SF July 9, 2007, 10:00 pm
  • > Joe Girardi was going on and on on … about … Miguel Cairo
    FECK!@#&*(

    attackgerbil July 9, 2007, 10:09 pm
  • Paul, another reason why I’m not super excited about Girardi taking over. Ozzie Guillen I say all the way!

    Nick-YF July 9, 2007, 10:11 pm
  • Spanglish for Robi _may_ have read funnier, I’m curious: would it be off-the mark/offensive to write, “Coach give me dees book, “Los Siete Habitos de la Gente Altamente Efukkit … going to Six Flags with Melky.”
    ?

    attackgerbil July 9, 2007, 10:39 pm
  • i’m looking for some good solutions for my acne problems. thought i’d ask for advice before i buy acne treatment
    any help would be appreciated. thanks,
    shirley

    shirleyswanz November 4, 2007, 3:59 pm

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