There’s a power-hitting, high OBP lefty available on the market. Kills the ball. Not popular with the fans. Can’t play defense, can’t run. Would play for league minimum. Instead the Yankees sign Richie Sexson. At least we get to keep the "can’t play defense, can’t run, and not popular with fans" parts.
He was born in Portland, Oregon so I have to root for him. Dammit.