The two teams of intrigue in the AL East were idle Thursday night. What was this baseball fan to do? What Would Jeter Do?
Well, my friends, if you think I would sit inside on a summer’s night and watch some worthless team like Colorado play San Diego, I’d just as soon eat my hat, and I really hate hats. “A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life.” P.J. O’Rourke nailed it on that one.
No, instead of eating my NY ball cap (worn usually with the sole purpose of enraging Mariners or Red Sox fans when I intrude into one of their sacred Portland watering holes), it was time to get outside and see some live baseball. The Portland Beavers, PCL AAA affiliate of the Padres, played the Oklahoma RedHawks last night at PGE Park. How a team that is in Oklahoma City can be related to the Pacific Coast is beyond me, but then again how a team from Kansas City can be related to the Major Leagues is also past my 2-volt brain’s reach.
In addition to “Thirsty Thursday,” which provides insurmountable evidence that beer is far more popular than the game itself to the people in attendence, last night had the promotion “Miller Lite Mullet Night.” This is where people get to dress up and look exactly like most of the male and female members of my high school circa 1985. Except a lot of the fans at last night’s game didn’t have to fake it. And out of the ones that were faking it, the girls at my school would have wiped the floor with them.
Toilet seat horseshoes was a crowd favorite when they weren’t at the ridiculously long lines at the $2 beer stands. Somewhere in the middle of this mess, a ball game was played. A very long, very sloppy ball game that ended more than four-hours after start time, with the teams combining for 32 hits and 21 runs as Portland lost 12-9 in front of nearly 12,000 mullet-headed beer mops.
Witness the carnage.
I don’t know what they were doing here. I think it was “Bobbing for Possum.” Yes, the Beaver mascot is wearing flannel and a mullet too.
Toilet seat Horseshoes.
Hey, we actually are playing baseball, too.
Just not very well, and very slowly as the scoreboard operator puts another mark up for the bad guys.
What’s your favorite or least favorite fan promotion to which you have been?