My Girlfriend’s Scout’s Eye

My girlfriend surprised me yesterday when she announced that we should go to a sports bar to catch the last part of the Yankees game. First, she was sick and had been sleeping all day. Second, she’s not a sports fan, and usually finds baseball as interesting as I find Mike and the Mad Dog talking about television ratings for certain sporting events (more tedious than paint drying). But she wanted us to get out of the house since we had been holed up all day doing battle against her sickness, and she wanted to reward me for my day-long imitation of Florence Nightingale. So we went out to the quiet streets of San Francisco and found a bar where they were playing every MLB game.

As you know, the story doesn’t end happily. Mariano blew it (but, really, Morneau hit a broken bat single to win the game; Mariano was squeezed on a few pitches against Castillo; and Matsui should have thrown to second. In other words, Mo’s fine, sometimes the bounces don’t go your way. Also, I believe he’s better than Jon Papelbon, Hudson. Have you seen their respective post-season records? Would you mind posting those stat comparisons in bold for us, kind sir?) Still, I had a great time watching what turned out to be the most exciting game of the season thus far, and a lot of that had to do with my spirited baseball watching partner. Maybe it was the sickness-induced delirium, but my girlfriend was into the game. In fact, by her third inning of watching, she had become a scout/expert baseball commentator. All that was missing was a fancy radar gun and sun-glasses. She made the following observations about our beloved Yankees:

  • When A-Rod was at bat, she sensed that he was "over-anxious like a filly at the gate. Look, his nostrils are flaring. He needs to calm down."
  • She immediately fell in love with Gary Sheffield: "He looks nice. He looks like a gentleman."
  • The camera focused on Jorge Posada and she laughed. "He looks like Fievel."
  • At one point in the game she displayed a fundamental misunderstanding of how one should act as a fan. Shots of cheering Twins fans filled the television set and she wondered aloud "Wouldn’t it be nice if the Twins won today? They’re at home, and it would make all these fans so happy. It seems only right."
  • About Derek Jeter: "Is he really that confident? I mean, how can someone be that confident? I don’t like it."
  • She recognized the shaven Johnny Damon immediately and found his presence in pinstripes "gross. He just looks so out of place." Demonstrating her ignorance of the mercenary nature of the free agency era, she mused (with violence unusual for her) "Do you think the other Yankees bitch-slapped him his first day in the locker-room?"
  • She found Mariano "handsome because he’s so graceful for a baseball player. Compare him to Jorge."
  • Finally, sad to admit this, she wondered "Does A-Rod wear make-up?" I told her that’s what a Red Sox fan would ask. She shuddered in disgust and said "I feel sick."

14 comments… add one
  • Hahaha no offense my man, but if she thinks Sheff is a gentleman, that might reflect a little bit on you! ;-)

    tom yf April 16, 2006, 1:09 pm
  • I thought her Sheffield remark was especially astuste;)
    Still, she might be on to something. Gary was certainly the gentleman toward his wife during that sex video extortion case.

    NickYF April 16, 2006, 1:13 pm
  • “astute” that is

    NickYF April 16, 2006, 1:14 pm
  • A-Rod wears makeup? I knew it!

    Brad April 16, 2006, 1:23 pm
  • Ah-ha! Nick is dating a Red Sox fan! And, to your girlfriend Nick, yes, Rodriguez does clearly wear makeup.

    mattymatty April 16, 2006, 1:33 pm
  • Ya know, that was an awful lot of writing that has been effectively boiled down to “Does Rodriguez wear make up: yes or no?”

    mattymatty April 16, 2006, 1:33 pm
  • i think more rizzo the rat, but “feivel” is close enough.

    beth April 16, 2006, 5:48 pm
  • Interesting post, Nick. I always enjoy going to games with people who aren’t wrapped up in baseball the way I am to hear their observations. One of my favorite comments came from an ex, who said, “Thank God at least I can drink while I am here.”

    attackgerbil April 16, 2006, 8:06 pm
  • Nick,
    Am watching an interesting show on The National Geographic Channel entitled, “The Great Quake”, which is, of course, on the 1906 San Francisco earthquake.
    They uh, seem to think that another one could happen at anytime. Uh, not to make you nervous or anything. Just kiddin’.
    I lived in the San Francisco Bay area in the ’70s. San Francisco is a marvelous city, so unique, and is my favorite.
    I’ll never forget watching game three of the ’89 Series between the A’s and Giants when that Loma Prieta quake struck the Oakland/San Francisco area during the telecast of the game. Surreal, to say the least.

    whatever April 16, 2006, 9:38 pm
  • Regarding Jeter, tell her he is confident because he always, always comes through in clutch moments. When you’re that good, you oooooozzzz confidence…..it’s just plain sexy!

    Jeannie April 17, 2006, 8:28 am
  • Yes, THE BIG ONE is coming. All non-native Californians leave quick, before we sink into the ocean.

    Nate April 17, 2006, 10:03 am
  • May I borrow the Fievel line? That is classic. However, she lost me when she came down on Jeter.

    sandy April 17, 2006, 11:19 pm
  • please do.
    re: Jeter. I can see that confidence come across as #########, so I get where she’s coming from. But, to me, his self-confidence is part of what makes him such a cool player to root for.

    NickYF April 17, 2006, 11:22 pm
  • Hmm, ok Nick, I get you. But I do agree, Jeter’s confidence is part of his charm for me. Primarily because I don’t think it’s unfounded. :)

    sandy April 19, 2006, 2:05 am

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