Our Trusted Translators

5: 17 pm: This article has been updated! Check below

Here's the deal. None of us at YFSF read or speak Spanish. When an exciting Spanish-language news report breaks like the Manny story from last night, we have no idea what's happening. Yes, there are people claiming that this most recent report claims that Ramirez is on the verge of signing a three-year deal with the Yanks, but we do not take the translations of anonymous posters seriously. These translations are, after all, coming from people who post on blogs–the most debased form of news distribution since "A Current Affair". Instead we turn to our trusted team of foreign translators–the Dusseldorf-native Rolfe, Athens-based Maria, and Lyon-living Pierre:
Rolfe
Maria Callas
Pierre

We fed-exed the manuscript of the Impacto Deportivo report to Pierre who studiously pored over its contents and reworded it in his native French. We were one step closer to our goal: a translation into English. Pierre rolled his eyes, spit on the ground, and grudgingly wired the translation to Dusseldorf. Rolfe gleefully burped and giggled his way through a six-hour study of the Frenchman's text. He laughed at Pierre's pedestrian prose, and took pleasure in his colleague's tin-ear. When he felt he had molded it perfectly into his German, he emailed it to Maria, who was, of course, weeping at her mirror, wondering where the years had gone. But Maria is a professional and the show must go on. Like a sculptor she chiseled the piece down from Rolfe's verbose German to her taut Greek. She then babelfished her translation into English and sent it by pigeon across the Atlantic where I was waiting at my window in lovely and cold Queens, New York. And here is the report and now we know the truth:

Manny Dominican Ramirez is about to sign a contract three years and 75
million dollar with Yanquis from New York to how one entrusted
Impactodeportivo.com.do this Sunday. The negotiations are well
advanced, and between Monday and Tuesdays one became l' make; official
announcement. Manny wanted to follow Dodgers, but Los Angeles did not
want flojar the light. Ramirez, that one handled to be towed the
Klopfer,332 with 37 jonrones and 121 between Boston and Dodgers an
attraction in New York.

Indeed, Los Angeles did not and never will want to flojar the light.

Update 5:17 (h/t mlbtraderumors)

Another translation by Pierre/Maria/Rolfe of a new report from Impacto Deportivo :

Even if von Yanquis, Brian Cashman a first subordination the report
rejected general manager, its dollar Manny Ramirez milones for three
years and the 75 signs, the source d'? Impactodeportivo.com.do has this
Monday in t O l' confirms? Afternoon of this l'? the enterprise goes.
According to the source d'? is Impactodeportivo.com.do, Ramirez a
necessity at l'? Equipment. The motive. Jason Giambi and Bobby Abreu
qu'? if those represented approximately and 200 to 50 jonrones dragged
between [s] two, not already also Hideki Matsui turn and Jorge Posada
had problems of health in t O 2008. Additional Robinson lifts come d'
up? one year from below. This forces Yanquis for in the searches other
impacts strongly, which it helps in Alex Rodriguez, and celui là is
Manny Ramirez. Is Manny in Brazil in l'? current hour and in its
return, goes immediately to the conference of the compression. L'? the
enterprise goes.
(Enter UP ton of 150 words)
Translate again Even if the general Director OF Yanquis, Brian Cashman
have rejected A roofridge tender OF of report which wants sign for the
three years OF and the 75 of milones dollar Manny Ramirez, the SOURCE
d'? has Impactodeportivo.com.do ratified this Monday in t o l'?
afternoon l' that;? the enterprise goes. According ton the SOURCE d'?
is Impactodeportivo.com.do, Ramirez A need for l'? equipment. The of
motives. Jason Giambi et Bobby Abreu qu'? represented the roughly 50 of
jonrones and 200 towed in between [s] two, DO emergency turn already
thus Hideki Matsui and Jorge Posada had problem of OF health in t o
2008. Additional Robinson of does Void come d'? one year from below.
This compels in Yanquis in order ton of searches more other strikes
hard that it helps in Alex Rodriguez, and celui là is Manny Ramirez. Is
Manny in Brazil in l'? current hour and in his return, go immediately
ton the conference OF wants compaction. L'? the enterprise goes.

The void is mentioned. Shame on Pierre, clearly a French conceit. Meanwhile, the most intriguing part of this new report is that Manny might be in Brazil.

4 comments… add one
  • Ahahaha! Did you run this through three translators? If so, hilarious. Monday doesn’t seem so bad now.
    Though the thought of Manny on the Yankees makes me depressed.

    Atheose - SF December 22, 2008, 10:23 am
  • All I know is Manny sure has himself a set of jonrones.

    attackgerbil December 22, 2008, 11:40 am
  • I speak Spanish, and would happily translate these articles if you’d like. I’m available most of the time.
    I also have a huge set of jonrones.

    Chris - SF December 22, 2008, 1:01 pm
  • Chris, can you translate from Spanish to Czech? We have a guy named Jiri whose just wasting away on our payroll.

    Nick-YF December 22, 2008, 1:07 pm

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