Results of the 17th annual Internet Baseball Awards are in. In the real world, low-information newspaper writers choose MVPs and Managers-of-the-Year, but in the virtual one, high-information tech savvy onanists* have the power. Yes, there are sweet innocent people like my mom who think the web contains only cnn.com and her email who technically can vote, but, for the most part, the IBA voting contingency is made up of libertarians and perverts and sometimes libertarian perverts. Anyway, they came together in that imagined space way and decided that Dustin Pedroia was the AL MVP. And the sad thing is that the real people who vote for the real awards are going to vote for him as well, and I'm going to have to live in a world in which Dustin Pedroia has more MVP awards than Derek Jeter.
*Okay, not everybody who uses the Internet is an onanist. A lot of them are just high-information smart people. This just kind of bums me out because it confirms what I want to deny: Dustin Pedroia is a worthy MVP. The little snot.