Potato Salad

Mona

Chief Wyatt Rash: "Ya know what my mother used to say? ‘Life gives you potatoes, make potato salad.’"

Mona Dearly (pictured): "Well life handed me a whole pile of sh*t. Whattem I supposed to make outta that?"

Phil Dearly: "Sh*t salad?"

This charming dialogue (NSFW, clip from wavlist.com) comes from the dark comedy Drowning Mona, which may or may not be great Mother’s Day viewing, depending highly on one’s mother’s sense of humor.  I have been hard at work all weekend in the attackgerbil test kitchen with the Yankees attempting to make potato salad, and have prepared a list of ingredients assembled so far.  The results are also highly dependent on one’s sense of humor.

Wyatt’s recipe:

Their pythagorean record is 20-16
200 runs scored vs 175 allowed
They are 8-5 in May (thank you, Texas)
In 2005, they were 17-19 heading into May 14th and went on to win the East
Jeter, Posada, ARod, Matsui, Aprilson Giambi
AP, DeSalvo, Bruney, Myers, Scott "The Enforcer" Proctor
Aged Tex-Mex spice mail-ordered.

Mona’s recipe:

Their non-pythagorean record isn’t 20-16
They are 2-7 in one run games
They have losing records against six of the nine teams played so far
Shutout twice this season
Mayson Giambi and the other hitters
The other pitchers
How aged is that spice?  Will it make any difference in the cook-off?

Some writers have looked to New England for variants on this dish, but right now I don’t think one needs to stray from the original home recipe to see how this fare won’t pass the Pepsi challenge.  With no game, at least I get to order take-out for tonight; I ate enough of Mona’s salad this weekend.

15 comments… add one
  • I actually consider the one-run games a positive thing, since sabrmetrics considers them to be “unlucky”. Can’t find link though, and I might just be totally wrong.

    Lar May 14, 2007, 4:18 pm
  • Of course, that’s factored in by the pythagorean record, so nothing new there, I guess.

    Lar May 14, 2007, 4:20 pm
  • Hey, a YF and an SF agree: I consider the Yankees’ current record in one-run games to be a positive thing too, Lar!

    SF May 14, 2007, 4:30 pm
  • when life gives you clemens….make clemonade.

    sf rod May 14, 2007, 4:37 pm
  • I mean that it’s positive in the sense that it can only get better… =P

    Lar May 14, 2007, 4:59 pm
  • no jinx attempt here fellas, honestly, but here’s what will happen…the sox lead will balloon to about 12 games at some point…the yanks pitching will stabilize and somebody else besides posada, jeter, and arod will start hitting…the sox will cool off some [pap may even blow a save or 2]…the yanks will have at least 1 run at the sox in them somewhere along the line…but it will be too little too late…i was a skeptic, but the sox have convinced me that they have the pitching and enough hitting to break the yanks al east streak…i’ve never been wrong about this kind of thing before [now there’s the jinx…kidding, i meant what i said]

    dc May 15, 2007, 8:25 am
  • The Yankees will win the AL East. They always do and this year will be no exception.

    Kmetzican May 15, 2007, 12:30 pm
  • >The Yankees will win the AL East. They always do
    A person can only make that statement if they were born after 1997 and if they choose to believe the world did not exist prior to that magical moment of their birth.
    >this year will be no exception.
    Optimism is a beautiful thing until that light at the end of the tunnel turns out to be a train.

    attackgerbil May 15, 2007, 3:19 pm
  • “Optimism is a beautiful thing until that light at the end of the tunnel turns out to be a train.”
    You sir are a comedic genius.

    Tyrel SF May 15, 2007, 3:41 pm
  • AG now owes James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich a lot of money
    “And it comes to be that the beautiful light at the end of the tunnel/ Was just a freight train comin’ your way.” -No Leaf Clover

    Paul SF May 15, 2007, 4:15 pm
  • wasn’t sure where to post this but this thread seems the best bet. Slate has an interesting article trying to figure out if Clements will be worth the money (lots of stats on extra wins, revenue they provide etc).
    http://www.slate.com/id/2166151/
    (they basically think he will be)

    MattSF May 15, 2007, 4:31 pm
  • AG isn’t the comedic genius, kmetzican is.

    jp - SF May 15, 2007, 4:33 pm
  • clement will never be worth the money paid to him.
    the next original thought hetfield and ulrich have….will be their first.

    sf rod May 15, 2007, 4:40 pm
  • And Jame$/Lar$ won’t get a plug nickle from me *grumble*, but Robert Lowell deserves some credit.

    attackgerbil May 15, 2007, 4:44 pm
  • Regarding tonight’s NYY/CWS game, Pete says it’s a downpour in Chicago. Radar looks like it might break later on.

    attackgerbil May 15, 2007, 5:03 pm

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