Despite the protestations of the Red Sox’ front office, Major League Baseball today refused to re-form one of the worst teams in baseball history in order to square off against Boston’s first place squad. The Sox had hoped to face a reunified (though Stengel-less) Mets team, but MLB shot down the proposal, telling the Sox that the "schedule had already been determined, and just like everyone else they have to face off against guys less than 70 years old". The Yankees, who earlier had complained about the Red Sox’ "minor league schedule" thus far, followed the Red Sox’ request with a petition of their own, asking that the Commissioner’s office nullify their early season’s negative results and add six additional games against the Royals, stating that "the club shouldn’t be responsible for the foibles of some silly and probably totally f*cking biased computer" and that "only additional games against a team like the Royals would allow them to show how good they are".
In real news, the Sox play the Devil Rays, at last check a bona-fide Major League team. So have at it. (And don’t be shy, Yankees fans, join in the fun – there’s always room for you on our schedule)