Suckered

Theo_blackeye_2

Toronto, September 19 (YFSF Wire) – Boston Red Sox General Manager Theo Epstein was involved in a fight last night at a local Toronto watering hole, our sources have learned.  Epstein, who led the Red Sox to their first World Series championship in 86 years in 2004, has been lauded as one of the wunderkinds of baseball management.  But last night, his ability to move quickly and smartly was not in view, as he was cold-cocked while sipping a beer at approximately 9:47pm.  Epstein, who spoke with police following the incident, offered a brief comment to the press, saying "I never saw it coming.  He looked tough but fully composed, and normally those are the types of guys I hang with, not who take me out.  I wasn’t raised to expect the sucker punch".  Patrons of the nightclub, who asked for anonymity in return for their comments, said that Epstein "made the right move, he didn’t have any way of anticipating that some goateed lumberjack would take him down out of nowhere".

There has been no word on whether Epstein will press charges.

19 comments… add one
  • Holy shit.
    That’s crazy. What kind of guy suckerpunches someone? It’s easily the most spineless, cowardly thing someone can do to another person physically.
    I would have loved to been somewhere amongst that brohaa right afterwards.
    Also, what the hell is Theo doing in some place that this is likely to happen – I mean, dude, you’re the GM of the Red Sox. You should be at some place that has a special 12$ bargain on Bud Lights and a forty dollar cover.
    Nope, not Theo. He’s at the Do Drop In.

    Brad September 19, 2007, 1:59 pm
  • ha. I really have to read shit.

    Brad September 19, 2007, 2:02 pm
  • Brad, if it makes you feel better, I was moments from posting a reaction to this “story” too when I realized the spoof.

    IronHorse (yf) September 19, 2007, 2:05 pm
  • yeah, I read the first two lines or so, and started firing. Ha.

    Brad September 19, 2007, 2:09 pm
  • Hah, took me a few moments to realize it was a spoof too. I like the “Goateed lumberjack” part.

    Atheose September 19, 2007, 2:11 pm
  • Gotta give that lumberjack credit to be smart enough not to clobber the kid with his throwing chopping arm.

    attackgerbil September 19, 2007, 2:24 pm
  • nice job with the photo SF.

    Sam-YF September 19, 2007, 2:25 pm
  • Haha, you almost got me. Very good.

    AndrewYF September 19, 2007, 2:27 pm
  • That photo is too perfect for Boston’s mood lately. Well done.

    KurticusMaximus- YF September 19, 2007, 2:31 pm
  • Nice job! The 9:47pm reference was the giveaway for me. Again, I say, “who’s panicking? The Sox & Yanks are going to the playoffs.”

    DW-sf September 19, 2007, 2:54 pm
  • when did julian tavarez take up lumberjacking? or grow a goatee?

    Yankee Fan In Boston September 19, 2007, 2:59 pm
  • What, no one kicked him the head too for being so stoopid?

    Pete September 19, 2007, 3:17 pm
  • Excellent photoshop. That alone had me confused until the goateed lumberjack reference.
    All in all, very funny. Definitely worth waiting all day before I jumped out the window.
    Seriously, I would like to purchase a win for the MetSox right now. Do blood banks still pay cash?

    FenSheaParkway September 19, 2007, 3:26 pm
  • BostonRAW September 19, 2007, 3:39 pm
  • Heh, you got me – I’m glad I read the comments before posting.
    But that’s what today feels like, anyway.

    Jackie (SF) September 19, 2007, 3:45 pm
  • Wow, I can’t believe people were fooled!
    “YFSF Wire”!? Hey, we’re somewhat legit here, but not THAT legit!!

    SF September 19, 2007, 3:47 pm
  • I didn’t catch the dateline until after I’d skimmed the post/comments… the photoshop was very convincing.

    Jackie (SF) September 19, 2007, 3:56 pm
  • good one, sf

    dc September 19, 2007, 4:20 pm
  • I’ve now found this story on two different sites, both of which are claiming it to be true. I’ve tried to correct the error, but we’ll see if people pay attention.
    Obviously, your Photoshopping skills are fooling people.

    Erin September 20, 2007, 6:41 pm

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