dr. gerbil* is back from a three-day self-subscribed and self-administered Thorazine drip. The drooling has abated — well, sort of — and he can now attack the stack of emails pleading for help and advice in this hour of need with only minor risk of electrocution from his trusty IBM Selectric, whom he fondly calls “The Hammer Of Dog.” Based on his reading of the papers, which he must do with one eye shut because of the spins, he saw that: The Yankees got swept up in a Nor’easter, pigs are flying but only because they want to kiss Catholic school girls, and Maverick buzzed the tower..(*dr. gerbil is not a dr.).
The Yankees are four games out with only 143 games left in the season! A game under five hunnered! Got swept by the Sawx! Aiyeeee!! What to do? — JG, Peoria IL
Panic and react reflexively. Sure, one might consider the facts like Mark Feinsand does regarding Phil Hughes and understand that the expectation of the rotation has taken a “gotta-take-a-knee-from-that-punch-on-the-Chien” but the rest of the shots are really only a few minor body blows — you know, the kind that add up over the course of a fight, but if they adjust properly and get a few breaks, they weather the storm. But you’d be wrong to consider. Watcha do is re-roast an old chestnut as John Harper does regarding Joba via Phil Hughes by opining that if Phil is an above average starter for a reasonable duration in the Bigs (when has he been?) and pervert the thought by citing that Joba has been inconsistent this season (which Yankee starter hasn’t been?) the move makes sense. Be sure to close your argument with these gems: “The bullpen is the trouble spot..” .. and .. “(the Yankees) need Chamberlain back there to have any hope of winning a championship. Maybe starting tonight, Hughes can help convince them” Sure. It’s all on poor Phil, that jerk, who put the Yankees in this spot to begin with. Just ignore that (1) the bullpen has had to carry the starter’s jock in a pile of games because said starters, in their approximately four starts each, have been troubly spotty (except maybe Andy). And (2) ignore that the offense, despite being sixth in the AL in R/G, has only been good enough for fourth in the beast (though ~ 1,342 of those runs have been taken on the Chien** [**yes, the not-dr. gerb likes that joke]). And (3) subtracting Joba from the rotation leaves you right where you were before NewUberPhil joined. So whaddya know right now? Not a whole lot, but let’s react like we do.
There are lots of empty seats at home Yankee games. Should one be concerned? — HS, Tampa, FL
There are no stupid questions. Except for that one. Anyone who asks that question is stupid, stupid, stupid. Because empty seats at
THE a Stadium are a good thing, as long as 1) you want to keep fans away from the action that will pay more to be more removed, and 2) you can keep the tv revenue stream. BUT, if you have a partial interest in a concessions operation on or around River Avenue, be concerned. Sell your stake for whatever you can get**.
**(not dr. gerbil is not a financial advisor.)
I’d like to ask a follow-up. What if they are making more dollars on the less number of tickets that are being sold, and the tickets/boxes/luxury plans that aren’t sold help their financial picture by
burying profit on the media revenue in carrying the note on the expensive new gates waiting for someone to fix the economy?
Great follow-up. That’s such a great follow-up that there is no
ongoing audit answer for that, but he is confident*** there are answers out there for people willing to spend money to find how money drawn from the taxpayers was spent to erect a place that most taxpayers can’t afford/don’t want to go. (***not confident is not financial advisor/not dr. gerbil) Less attendance is not more. Less is less. And less that are spending more to get less spend less. Unless less is more. Which it is.
What’s the best way to break out of this losing streak? — ag, Portland OR
Stop losing. Or use “House” Magick.
I’d like to ask a follow up on behalf of ag… Can you answer any question without being a jackass, jackass? — JG, Peoria IL
No, not for him, because he’s a prick. But he would say that to write a line-up with a lead-off hitter whose MLB career OBP is below 1/3 is difficult to stomach. And it’s difficult to juggle relievers for situations when the leverage of that one situation leans a few points one way or the other. You want easy sports fandom? Play Tecmo Bo or watch “House” on your Tivo. Otherwise, square up and face some Chien music.