The GM Search Continues

As the Red Sox interview potential GM candidates, we thought we’d compile our

own short list.  Read all about them after the jump.

Our candidates:

Brian Epstein: Former Beatles manager. 

Strengths: Great experience handling solipsistic geniuses.  Last name may fool RSN into briefly thinking front office has made amends with former GM.  Currently dead, which would help working relationship with Larry Lucchino.

Weaknesses: Dead.  Lack of baseball experience.

Theo Van Gogh – Ex-living iconoclastic Dutch film director

Strengths: First name may keep Sox fans at bay, thinking "Theo’s back!".  Known for unconventional thinking and rampant drug use, may bring idiosyncratic management style to front office. Dead (see Brian Epstein, above).

Weaknesses: Lack of english skills. Cocaine addiction might make trade talks with other teams untenable.  Dead.

Mike Bloomberg – New York City Politico

Strengths: Hyper-popular Mayor of New York, recently re-elected by record margin, though a native Bostonian who grew up rooting for the Sox.  Closet Democrat would bring famed management prowess to favorite team (yeah, sure, he just loves those Mets and Yanks. Right.).  Might chip in personal cash to lock down targeted free agents.

Weaknesses: Massive ego, may attempt to relocate Sox to Raynham T Station against will of fans.


Strengths: Hall of Fame hitter, masterful interpersonal skills might help bring prized free agents to Boston for title run.  Amiable, goofy presence would take edge off nasty Boston press corps.

Weaknesses: Would trade self on first day of job.

5 comments… add one
  • Our Choice:
    Juan Epstein — Star of Welcome Back Kotter
    (Full name: Juan Luis Pedro Phillipo de Huevos Epstein)
    Pros: Jewish money-management abilities combined with Latin heritage make him the perfect candidate in today’s MLB environment.
    Cons: Perennial high school student. Horshack as bench coach.

    YF November 10, 2005, 10:10 am
  • Here’s a possibility: Theo talked about all the situations facing the Sox — Manny, Mueller, Millar, Schilling, Foulke… — and discovered that the Evil Emperor wasn’t going to let him do what he thought needed to be done.

    john yf November 10, 2005, 6:43 pm
  • … and let’s not forget Wells.
    There is a lot to do for next year. Did Theo explain his plan and Lucky Luke say “No”?

    john yf November 10, 2005, 11:36 pm
  • It’s money and power and contract manuevering. Theo will most likely be back, and if not, he’ll get a crazy Steve-Spurrier-washinton-redskins deal with some semi-good team in a warm environment, where he can exert control a-la Pat Riley (and share hair product and fraternize with girls-gone-wild alumni).
    I’m sure Larry is a D#@k (dork), but so are most of the owners and baseball brass that Theo would have to deal with elsewhere.

    walein November 11, 2005, 1:08 pm
  • Dayton Moore sounds pretty good. But if the Sox take much more time signing him, 2006 could be an an off year.
    Big holes at center, third, second and first, and then there’s the Manny problem and the pitching.

    john yf November 15, 2005, 8:52 am

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