The Smoking (Speed) Gun

This just in from our sources at Florida Highway Patrol:

FSHP Form DD5/DUI
Subject: Spencer, Shane
Location: Port St. Lucie/I-95
Date: 7/26/04; Time: 3:43 AM
Infraction: 98 mph in 70 mph zone
Sobriety test: Failed
Brethalizer: Did not consent
FSHP In-Car Video Transcript:

Officer: License and registration, please.
SS: Do you know who I am?
Officer: Dick Gephardt, Jr.? License and registration.
SS: I play for the Mets.
Officer: Step out of the car, please
SS: You wanna meet Piazza? I can introduce you to Piazza.
Officer: Please just step out of the car.
SS: How about Matsui? You can call him whatever your want and he doesn’t understand a word.
Officer: Godzilla?
SS: No, the other Matsui. Hey, is this really necessary? This isn’t going to do wonders for my career.
Officer: [garbled]
SS: Yeah, it’s been one long, sorry slide since that first month on the Yanks. But, you know, injuries.
Officer: You have the right to remain silent.
SS: Come on. Do we have to do this? Let’s be honest. I know I look like a choir boy, but when it comes to the ladies I make Lenny Kravitz look like Bill James. Over at the Pink Bottom they renamed the Champagne Room after me. I can make things happen for you. I’m sure Krystal and Misty would love you. They dig a uniform. I know.
Officer: Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
SS: Seriously. You don’t want to do this.
Officer: You have the right to an attorney.
SS: Dude. You’re lucky Karim’s not with me….Ouch. Hey, do those have to be so tight?
Officer: If you can not afford an attorney, the court will appoint one for you.
SS: I can get you a ball signed by Jeter.
Officer: Step into the car. Watch your head.
SS: [Expletive.] Expos, here I come.
End of tape.

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