Top 10 Signs Your Mascot Might Be a Pedophile

This truly disturbing story prompts us to provide you with the following, as a public service:

10: Started under-13 sausage race
9: Locker overflowing with stacks of Tiger Beat
8: He’s the King of Pop
7: Banned from “family section” at the ballpark
6: Calls hot dogs “wieners,” then laughs in sinister way
5: Asked to have “NAMBLA” as name on jersey
4: Groped the Philly Phanatic’s little brother
3: Catch phrase: “Wanna Grab My Bat?”
2: Team: Bulldogs; Costume: Little Lord Fauntleroy
1: He’s a mascot

5 comments… add one
  • 11. boasts on his resume of having “appeared on NBC’s Dateline”

    Nick-YF April 5, 2007, 10:58 am
  • Courtesy to David Letterman, of course.

    YF April 5, 2007, 11:13 am
  • That part of PA is by far the most depressing part of the world I have ever seen with my own eyes. I broke down in Wilkes-Barre coming back from college one year and had to wait THREE DAYS for a part. I was stuck there for three days. At the end of my little stay, I wanted to firebomb the entire town. This little nugget does not surprise me in the least.

    LocklandSF April 5, 2007, 11:22 am
  • 12. Career ladder’s top rung is night janitor at Dunder-Mifflin.

    attackgerbil April 5, 2007, 11:40 am
  • Possibly the funniest mascot video ever:
    (News report of Randall Simon attacking one of the sausage racers during the 7th Inning Stretch at the Brewers’ stadium.. The part that makes me cry with laughter is when one of the other racers turns back to see what has happened… And rather than helping, turns around and starts running, seeing his/her big chance to win the race…)

    Hudson April 5, 2007, 5:50 pm

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