We Intercept Letters!


Dear Brian:

In light of the long-term financial commitment I made to you this offseason, I wanted to let you know that after review with the team’s counsel (the firm of Saymol, Saymol, and Thensome), I am giving you some additional authorities and resources with regards to the management of the team.  Some might think I have relaxed my grip on the team foolishly, but I think you’ll be pleased – I consider this team yours as well.  Your new powers and resources are as follows:

  • ability to conduct warrantless wiretapping of AL East rival front offices
  • x-ray vision.  (Just kidding, there’s no such thing!)
  • limited edition Derek Jeter Pez dispenser
  • team to pay for monthly cell phone service, up to 600 minutes.  Beyond that, it’s yours.
  • Lucchino’s private email address
  • $50M to spend on Johnny Damon. $52M if Boras plays tough.

If there’s anything else that you might need, please call Shirley and set up a meeting.


Mr. Steinbrenner

2 comments… add one
  • Hey, if Larry had written a nice note like that I’d still be a Red Sock!

    Theo December 23, 2005, 9:28 am
  • “ability to conduct warrantless wiretapping of AL East rival front offices”
    Very, very, very funny. Good one, Sox Fan.

    Zach-YF December 24, 2005, 3:54 am

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