DRAFT – DECEMBER 17TH 2005 (FOR EYES ONLY)
In light of the long-term financial commitment I made to you this offseason, I wanted to let you know that after review with the team’s counsel (the firm of Saymol, Saymol, and Thensome), I am giving you some additional authorities and resources with regards to the management of the team. Some might think I have relaxed my grip on the team foolishly, but I think you’ll be pleased – I consider this team yours as well. Your new powers and resources are as follows:
- ability to conduct warrantless wiretapping of AL East rival front offices
- x-ray vision. (Just kidding, there’s no such thing!)
- limited edition Derek Jeter Pez dispenser
- team to pay for monthly cell phone service, up to 600 minutes. Beyond that, it’s yours.
- Lucchino’s private email address
- $50M to spend on Johnny Damon. $52M if Boras plays tough.
If there’s anything else that you might need, please call Shirley and set up a meeting.