Yanksfan Vs. Soxfan Vs. Jaysfan

While we were arguing, Canadians crossed our border! The Jays are tied for second with the Sox, one game back of the division leading Yanks. There’s a new kid in town and a whole new franchise and fanbase to hate. Yanks fans are well aware of Sox fans’ and players’ faults (narcissistic personality disorder, martyr complex, general classlessness, Curt Schilling’s gift for gab, Nomah was not bettah, etc, etc), and Sox fans are well aware of Yanks fans’ and players’ shortcomings (We’re often so classy that it seems like we’re being… not classy?, we cheer our players (refer to SF’s repeated posts about curtain calls), Derek Jeter was better, etc, etc). But we don’t know a thing about the team to our north. To help you all, I’ve compiled a list of talking points to use when encountering a Jays fan on this site or anywhere else. They will be popping up here and there throughout the season as I believe the Jays are for real.

The list is below the jump.

  • Shea Hillenbrand
  • Gustavo Chacin wears rose-tinted glasses on the mound. To paraphrase our president during that akward interaction he had with the blind reporter the other day: Only pussies wear sunglasses.
  • Everyone talks about great Canadian comedians, but who are the great Canadian writers? Robertson Davies? Leonard Cohen (he did write a few novels and books of poems)? Exactly, I don’t know any, so there must be no literary scene. Ergo, illiterates, albeit hilarious illiterates, root for the Jays.
  • Following the lesser of two heathens formula as the basis of their fanship, Al Qaeda members (who like baseball) are fans of the boys from Toronto. The Jays are supported by terrorists!
  • Their mascot is a pretty little bird.
  • The beer is all skunked.
  • Two words: Vernon Wells (Sox fans understand what I’m talking about).
  • They play in a stadium with a retractable dome (rainouts are part of baseball. Deal!) and put in artifical turf.
  • Something we can all agree on: Roger Clemens in a Blue Jays uniform just didn’t look right.
  • Pat Hentgen won the Cy Young over Andy Pettitte. That’s total bullsh*t and we haven’t forgotten!
  • Again, Shea Hillenbrand.
15 comments… add one
  • You can dis the Jays all you want (and they bug the crap out of me, too), but please don’t bag on Robertson Davies, one of my absolute faves.

    SF June 16, 2006, 5:28 pm
  • hey hey, I wasn’t saying that Robertson Davies was bad, I was just saying it’s only he and Commander L. Cohen pulling their weight up there.

    Nick-YF June 16, 2006, 5:31 pm
  • Geddy Lee?

    SF June 16, 2006, 5:34 pm
  • Bob and Doug McKenzie?

    attackgerbil June 16, 2006, 5:44 pm
  • LocklandSF June 16, 2006, 6:01 pm
  • I don’t know those authors, so therefore…
    no, for real, I’m sure there’s a rich literary history in Canada. My ignorance of it says more about me than Canada.

    Nick-YF June 16, 2006, 6:06 pm
  • I just don’t like Canada, not Canadians, just Cananda, don’t know why.

    LocklandSF June 16, 2006, 6:10 pm
  • I think it’s more that these upstart little twerps are trying to act like the big boys — because, let’s face it, the things that most annoy Sox and Yanks fans about each other (arrogance, sense of entitlement, etc.) are the things we all exhibit. And if Sox and Yanks fans agree on anything, it’s that the East belongs to the Sox (or Yanks).
    Incidentally, as a shortstop and as a hitter, Nomar was far superior.

    Paul SF June 16, 2006, 7:05 pm
  • Funny how Nick goes on about Sox fans faults
    “Yanks fans are well aware of Sox fans’ and players’ faults (narcissistic personality disorder, martyr complex, general classlessness, Curt Schilling’s gift for gab, Nomah was not bettah, etc, etc)”
    Then proceeds on with insulting not only a baseball team but an entire country, talk about classless.

    TJ June 16, 2006, 7:32 pm
  • TJ, did you really think I was serious about any of these comments?

    Nick-YF June 16, 2006, 7:36 pm
  • Nick is the Ann Coulter of YFs!!

    Tom sf June 16, 2006, 7:54 pm
  • I think that’s a new low point in my life. To be called the Anne Coulter of anything makes you take pause and wonder: Am I that big of an a-hole?
    Please don’t answer that.

    Nick-YF June 16, 2006, 8:04 pm
  • No Nick, you’re not an a-hole, just a Yankee fan.

    LocklandSF June 16, 2006, 9:06 pm
  • I was just kidding, Nick. You’re ok. For a Yankees fan.

    Tom sf June 16, 2006, 10:32 pm
  • defeating a “jays fan” in argument is pitiably easy. you just ask them, “where were you last year?”

    beth June 17, 2006, 2:40 pm

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