While we were arguing, Canadians crossed our border! The Jays are tied for second with the Sox, one game back of the division leading Yanks. There’s a new kid in town and a whole new franchise and fanbase to hate. Yanks fans are well aware of Sox fans’ and players’ faults (narcissistic personality disorder, martyr complex, general classlessness, Curt Schilling’s gift for gab, Nomah was not bettah, etc, etc), and Sox fans are well aware of Yanks fans’ and players’ shortcomings (We’re often so classy that it seems like we’re being… not classy?, we cheer our players (refer to SF’s repeated posts about curtain calls), Derek Jeter was better, etc, etc). But we don’t know a thing about the team to our north. To help you all, I’ve compiled a list of talking points to use when encountering a Jays fan on this site or anywhere else. They will be popping up here and there throughout the season as I believe the Jays are for real.
The list is below the jump.
- Shea Hillenbrand
- Gustavo Chacin wears rose-tinted glasses on the mound. To paraphrase our president during that akward interaction he had with the blind reporter the other day: Only pussies wear sunglasses.
- Everyone talks about great Canadian comedians, but who are the great Canadian writers? Robertson Davies? Leonard Cohen (he did write a few novels and books of poems)? Exactly, I don’t know any, so there must be no literary scene. Ergo, illiterates, albeit hilarious illiterates, root for the Jays.
- Following the lesser of two heathens formula as the basis of their fanship, Al Qaeda members (who like baseball) are fans of the boys from Toronto. The Jays are supported by terrorists!
- Their mascot is a pretty little bird.
- The beer is all skunked.
- Two words: Vernon Wells (Sox fans understand what I’m talking about).
- They play in a stadium with a retractable dome (rainouts are part of baseball. Deal!) and put in artifical turf.
- Something we can all agree on: Roger Clemens in a Blue Jays uniform just didn’t look right.
- Pat Hentgen won the Cy Young over Andy Pettitte. That’s total bullsh*t and we haven’t forgotten!
- Again, Shea Hillenbrand.