A new press release, just intercepted:
"After a long bout of soul-searching, and consultations with ethnicity experts and diplomatic attaches from deep within both the US Department of State and the Dominican Republic’s Cultural Identity Consulate, I have decided to honor both nations by playing in the World Baseball Classic. Though I have chosen to play for the United States, the country of my birth, in order to honor the country of my ethnic heritage I have designated that three pieces of clothing, to be worn by me at all times throughout the tournament, shall be emblazoned with a small, 2" x 2" picture of the Dominican flag. Throughout the tournament, my elbow guard (the inside), my jockstrap (the outside), and my hat brim (the underside, replacing my retractable makeup mirror) will all have a small but lovingly reproduced image of this textilious masterwork. To those who would question my devotion to both the United States and the DR, please forgive me my previous equivocation – it’s not easy being the best, most successful, richest third basemen with identity issues in all the land. See you at the WBC, and cheer me on, wherever you are from.