Terry Francona has been hard-pressed to come up with a consistently productive batting order this season, so we thought we’d offer a few of our favorite methods, mostly alternative.
- In order of on-base percentage, descending. Give the most at-bats to the guys who get on base the most. Sabermetricians say this is irrelevant. But we don’t know many sabermetricians who have gotten to first base themselves, if you know what we’re saying, so what do they know?
- In order of on-base percentage, ascending. Build to a crescendo: make the pitcher fear what’s coming! This could be good, if only for the element of surprise.
- Alphabetical, by last name. Generally that would mean Coco leading off, Drew in the #2 spot, with Youk assuming the Bill Mueller role at #9. Nope.
- Alphabetical, by first name. Cora starts, Coco follows, then Papi is in his normal spot, with Pedroia cleanup. No RBI opportunities there for the bopper, and then you’ve got Dougie and then Hinske. Blech. Something’s still wrong.
- Scrabble method. Ramirez leads off, followed by Youkilis, then Ortiz. No matter what’s next, this one has promise.
- By Average Annual Value of contract, excluding pitchers. Manny leads off, then Drew, the Tizzle, then Varitek, the Lugo (sound the alarm! El Vacio in the five spot!). Still, not a bad top four, if not ideal. On second thought, the way things are going, maybe we should include pitchers…
- Have an usher take the first kid he finds attending his first-ever game at Fenway and let him/her do it. We think this method may have the most promise. The kid can’t do much worse than our skipper, right?
Or, just forget caring about the batting order, as there’s no reason to bail water from a sinking ship. Yep, we have a winner.