It’s Only A Flesh Wound

Hey everybody, Emma here subbing for YF, who as you’ll recall has picked a suspiciously fantastic time to get the heck out of Dodge. This is just getting ridiculous. Er… more ridiculous.

First there was Jeff Karstens’ fibula, fractured by Julio Lugo’s liner on his first pitch of the game. A few days later, Phil Hughes sustained a random hamstring tear towards the end of a potential no-hitter. And yesterday, Darrell Rasner made it all the way to the second batter of the game before taking a shot off his index finger, which will now need to be held together with pins. Now, I’m not saying the Yankees would have beat the Mets with a healthy Rasner yesterday — we’re not talking about Whitey Ford here. But all of this begs the question: What will be the Yankees’ next freakish pitching injury? If I were Tyler Clippard, I’d think long and hard before agreeing to get on the mound for this team. Some likely possibilities:

-Phil Hughes returns from the DL, pitches a perfect game through 8 2/3
innings, then feels something “pop” in his elbow. Tens of thousands of
fans at the Stadium openly weep.

-Roger Clemens, pitching in the June Subway Series with several successful outings under his belt, mistakes a shard of shattered bat for an ice cream cone. He misses two starts for dental surgery.

-Jose Lima, making his triumphant return to the major leagues for the Yankees at Fenway Park, pitches two-plus sparkling innings, then sprains his ankle while leaping demonstratively around the mound. Don’t laugh: this team is basically one Clippard and half a DeSalvo away from Lima Time.

-Scott Proctor gives up a massive home run to Manny Ramirez, who stands admiring it for several minutes, until Proctor sprains his pitching wrist while trying to strangle him with his bare hands.

-Andy Pettitte strings together another five or six solid outings in which he receives little to no run support, realizes it’s been four years since he pitched with a five-run lead, punches a wall, and breaks his hand. I think the odds on this one are actually pretty good.

Have I overlooked any likely scenarios? By the way, YFs, please rest assured that I knocked on my wooden desk repeatedly while writing this. An now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a lot to do before tonight’s game. This live chicken isn’t going to sacrifice itself.

14 comments… add one
  • Pettite ‘s should be 7-1 if not lack of run support and bullpen blowing lead for him.

    Lrt May 20, 2007, 5:56 pm
  • Lima Time. Mmmmm. I like the sound of it.

    SF May 20, 2007, 7:10 pm
  • How about Jeff Weaver? Ehh? Ehh? He’s got to be on thin ice in Seattle…

    desturbd1 May 20, 2007, 7:12 pm
  • Chickens, beware. It’s going to take more than one. At least one to remove the hex from Robi’s glove. One for Abreu’s bat. One for Jason’s hoof-in-mouth disease. One each for Farns and Rocket and their blood feud.

    attackgerbil May 20, 2007, 7:14 pm
  • Lima. Is that like Zima?
    Mmmm. Zima.

    I'm Bill McNeal May 20, 2007, 7:51 pm
  • RE: the Proctor/Ramirez thing last year–the best part (as an SF) was hearing all about the lead-up to their next meeting…how Proctor should throw at Manny, teach him a lesson (Kay really said this).
    First pitch–over the Monster wall. Ha ha ha.

    Devine May 21, 2007, 1:01 pm
  • “First pitch–over the Monster wall. Ha ha ha.”
    I doubt that all is forgotten – Manny beware.

    Andrews May 21, 2007, 2:12 pm
  • And since the subject is broached – IMO Clemens is worth the $$$ if he makes Ortiz move his feet with a couple high and tight ones…

    Andrews May 21, 2007, 2:17 pm
  • At which point, Roger will be moving his feat as he turns to watch the ball land in the bleachers. Guys like David Ortiz don’t become fearsome sluggers by being afraid of inside heat. That’s why they wear the armor.

    Paul SF May 21, 2007, 2:24 pm
  • With every pitcher that goes onto the DL or every outing where a starter ends a game with an era over 5, the black armbands are beginning to bear a new meaning.
    No offense to Mr. Lidle, but the black bands need to go before Andy breaks his hand punching something/someone and most definitely before the Rocket hits the show.

    bogey May 21, 2007, 2:25 pm
  • “Guys like David Ortiz don’t become fearsome sluggers by being afraid of inside heat.”
    How do you know he’s not afraid? No one ever pitches him there – hopefully Clemens will.
    I don’t think armor protects you from high and tight pitches, Paul.

    Andrews May 21, 2007, 2:32 pm
  • Heh, the other thing about that second home run v. Proctor: Manny didn’t look at it. Just started trotting toward first…maybe because there was such a sh*tstorm surrounding that one home run. Did I hear rumors about Proctor calling Manny out or something and that’s why Manny showed him up? (and he certainly did show him up, I’m not denying that)
    Most of the time, I think Manny’s fairly benevolent when he watches his home runs (someone else made the point that he’s pretty excited in the dugout about his teammates’ homers–I think he just likes them), but that one against Proctor seemed more personal. He didn’t just look at the ball, his gaze wavered between the ball and Proctor.

    Devine May 21, 2007, 2:39 pm
  • Yeah, Devine. I don’t remember specifics, but there was some incident in which Proctor dissed Manny or somesuch, and that’s why Manny showed him up.

    Paul SF May 21, 2007, 2:45 pm
  • I’m with Devine, I just think Manny likes watching bombs get hit out, his or anyone else’s. He gets crazy excited when ever anyone cranks one out, he’s always on the top step staring at them.
    You are all right about that shot off Proctor, he started running right away while starting at Proctor, I don’t even remember him looking at the ball.

    LocklandSF May 21, 2007, 3:16 pm

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