Hey everybody, Emma here subbing for YF, who as you’ll recall has picked a suspiciously fantastic time to get the heck out of Dodge. This is just getting ridiculous. Er… more ridiculous.
First there was Jeff Karstens’ fibula, fractured by Julio Lugo’s liner on his first pitch of the game. A few days later, Phil Hughes sustained a random hamstring tear towards the end of a potential no-hitter. And yesterday, Darrell Rasner made it all the way to the second batter of the game before taking a shot off his index finger, which will now need to be held together with pins. Now, I’m not saying the Yankees would have beat the Mets with a healthy Rasner yesterday — we’re not talking about Whitey Ford here. But all of this begs the question: What will be the Yankees’ next freakish pitching injury? If I were Tyler Clippard, I’d think long and hard before agreeing to get on the mound for this team. Some likely possibilities:
-Phil Hughes returns from the DL, pitches a perfect game through 8 2/3
innings, then feels something “pop” in his elbow. Tens of thousands of
fans at the Stadium openly weep.
-Roger Clemens, pitching in the June Subway Series with several successful outings under his belt, mistakes a shard of shattered bat for an ice cream cone. He misses two starts for dental surgery.
-Jose Lima, making his triumphant return to the major leagues for the Yankees at Fenway Park, pitches two-plus sparkling innings, then sprains his ankle while leaping demonstratively around the mound. Don’t laugh: this team is basically one Clippard and half a DeSalvo away from Lima Time.
-Scott Proctor gives up a massive home run to Manny Ramirez, who stands admiring it for several minutes, until Proctor sprains his pitching wrist while trying to strangle him with his bare hands.
-Andy Pettitte strings together another five or six solid outings in which he receives little to no run support, realizes it’s been four years since he pitched with a five-run lead, punches a wall, and breaks his hand. I think the odds on this one are actually pretty good.
Have I overlooked any likely scenarios? By the way, YFs, please rest assured that I knocked on my wooden desk repeatedly while writing this. An now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a lot to do before tonight’s game. This live chicken isn’t going to sacrifice itself.