My girlfriend surprised me yesterday when she announced that we should go to a sports bar to catch the last part of the Yankees game. First, she was sick and had been sleeping all day. Second, she’s not a sports fan, and usually finds baseball as interesting as I find Mike and the Mad Dog talking about television ratings for certain sporting events (more tedious than paint drying). But she wanted us to get out of the house since we had been holed up all day doing battle against her sickness, and she wanted to reward me for my day-long imitation of Florence Nightingale. So we went out to the quiet streets of San Francisco and found a bar where they were playing every MLB game.
As you know, the story doesn’t end happily. Mariano blew it (but, really, Morneau hit a broken bat single to win the game; Mariano was squeezed on a few pitches against Castillo; and Matsui should have thrown to second. In other words, Mo’s fine, sometimes the bounces don’t go your way. Also, I believe he’s better than Jon Papelbon, Hudson. Have you seen their respective post-season records? Would you mind posting those stat comparisons in bold for us, kind sir?) Still, I had a great time watching what turned out to be the most exciting game of the season thus far, and a lot of that had to do with my spirited baseball watching partner. Maybe it was the sickness-induced delirium, but my girlfriend was into the game. In fact, by her third inning of watching, she had become a scout/expert baseball commentator. All that was missing was a fancy radar gun and sun-glasses. She made the following observations about our beloved Yankees:
- When A-Rod was at bat, she sensed that he was "over-anxious like a filly at the gate. Look, his nostrils are flaring. He needs to calm down."
- She immediately fell in love with Gary Sheffield: "He looks nice. He looks like a gentleman."
- The camera focused on Jorge Posada and she laughed. "He looks like Fievel."
- At one point in the game she displayed a fundamental misunderstanding of how one should act as a fan. Shots of cheering Twins fans filled the television set and she wondered aloud "Wouldn’t it be nice if the Twins won today? They’re at home, and it would make all these fans so happy. It seems only right."
- About Derek Jeter: "Is he really that confident? I mean, how can someone be that confident? I don’t like it."
- She recognized the shaven Johnny Damon immediately and found his presence in pinstripes "gross. He just looks so out of place." Demonstrating her ignorance of the mercenary nature of the free agency era, she mused (with violence unusual for her) "Do you think the other Yankees bitch-slapped him his first day in the locker-room?"
- She found Mariano "handsome because he’s so graceful for a baseball player. Compare him to Jorge."
- Finally, sad to admit this, she wondered "Does A-Rod wear make-up?" I told her that’s what a Red Sox fan would ask. She shuddered in disgust and said "I feel sick."