Second Half Predictions

July 24th: Johnny Damon fired by Gillette for re-neging on Mach IV spokesman responsibilities. Gillette asserts “one use per season” isn’t what they signed up for.

July 26th: Sox accidentally trade for Randy “Little Unit” Johnson, a 5′-1″ journeyman pitcher in the Astros’ system. Johnson reports to Boston, only to be turned away by security who call him an “annoying little autograph seeker”.

August 11th: Derek Jeter, dumped earlier in the day by Jessica Alba, spotted leaving Texas hold’em tournament at the Borgata with Ben Affleck.

August 21st: Jose Contreras’ family, sickened by his inconsistency, re-defects to Cuba.

September 16th: Kevin Brown returns from DL for 8 minutes, goes back on DL after tripping over threshold to clubhouse.

October 3rd: Sox clinch Wild Card on last day of season, Pedro Martinez phones from vacation home in Dominican Republic to congratulate team.

1 comment… add one
  • October 24. Nomar Garciaparra has the greatest stretch run since Yaztrzemski’s late-season onslaught in ’67…and propels the Chicago Cubs to the World Series Crown.
    Why do I do this to myself?

    MJL - SF July 15, 2004, 7:18 pm

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