Bobby Kielty told the Boston Herald in this morning’s editions that he would entertain the idea of not batting left-handed next year in the hopes that it will spark some more interest among possible suitors. Considering Kielty is a career ..228/.329/.348 hitter from the left side, teams should soon be jumping at the opportunity to pay him not to do that ever again.
In truth, I like Kielty, and he has enough value that I hope the Sox re-sign him. In fact, he seems to have hit upon a truly unique concept: Receiving pay for promising not to attempt doing what he apparently cannot do. Imagine what other wrinkles in the marketplace this could create!
- The Yankees could pay Derek Jeter to not range to his left.
- The Red Sox could pay David Ortiz not to field (oh, wait…).
- The Giants could pay Brian Sabean not to sign free agents.
- The Orioles could pay their relievers to not pitch in the ninth.
- The Marlins could pay their fans to not watch their games.
The possibilities are endless!
The Yanks could pay Hank Steinbrenner not to make deadlines.
The Marlins DID pay their fans not to watch their games once. A few years ago, the team distributed some significant number of teal-dyed dimes around the city of Miami, each good for one admission to a Marlins game. Sadly, not all dimes were turned in to the Dolphins Stadium box office.
Alfonso Soriano will accept no sum of money to stop swinging at everything. Some things carry their own reward.
by the way, I don’t have the stats on hand but I’d like Melky to stop batting from the right side if only for aesthetic reasons. He looks awful as a righty batter.